Love isn't judged by Appearance

Chapter 27

~Two Weeks Later~

I've deleted Zavian out of My life. His number in My phone. Gone. Pictures of us.Trashed. Memories. Hodder behind pain and denial. I still can't get over the fact that I have AIDS. I haven't told anyone,and it's so hard. I can't tell they've. I'm going you be judged over falling in love well not real love. Getting cheated on and what do I get out of it AIDS! My love life was a fuhreaking play act and I didn't even know it...ain't that some bullshit. I wish I would've never fallen in love. I wanted to but now I wish that I didn't want for it. They say watch what you ask for, for you might receive. I only received half of whatI wanted. The rest I didn't ask for. Zavian truly fooled me, enough about Zavian. Tonight is draft night. I'm staying at home now. I didn't feel comfortable with Drew anymore. Didn't want her to feel bad. Plus I didn't wanna hear anymore truth from anyone. The truth really does hurt. My parents didn't question me. They were just happy that I was home. Feels good to be home. I'm locked up in My room a lot though. I cry all the time now. I cry like people waking up in the morning. It's become a habbit. I need to go to the doctor. See what I need to do with My situation. Kevin broke up with Courtney! Shocked me when he told me. He said love for her no longer resided with in him. Maybe I should call her,and check on her. Back to draft night though. Tonight is the night. I'm excited for Kevin, but I don't want to see Zavian though. He calls but I ignore it every time. He sends texts. I deleted them. He hasn't tried to visit. He better not.Even though I've put him out of My life. I still love him. I guess it's because he was My first love. I just feel like he'll never leave me. Never leave My thoughts or My heart no matter how hard I try. I wonder how he feels. I wonder how long I have because I don't feel sick or anything. Mentally I feel horrible. I'm going down fast. Kevin knows something is up,but I can't tell him. Definitely not on his Draft night. He's excited and so is the whole family. My Dad is all like "My boy! My boy!" We both kind of ignore it considering he wasn't in most of our lives. It's still taking us time to actually love him like children are supposed to love their parents. My door opens and My mama steps through. Sitting on My bed playing with the cover.

"Sweetie are you sure you wanna go to the Draft? It's gonna be live on TV you don't have to go."

"Yes I'm sure mama." I raise up In My bed. Running a finger through My hair,but it gets stopped by tangles! I hate when my hair is nappy.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I'm going for Kevin." I smile.

"It's amazing what type of bond y'all have. I'm so happy that y'all managed when I wasn't here." Her eyes water.

"Yeah I am too." I say. I run my fingers through my hair again. Stopping again at the tangles. I don't wanna comb this. I groan.

"You want me to do your hair?" She ask. I look up at here shocked.

"Really?"

"Yeah baby." She grins.

"Ok."I say. I feel like a little kid as I jump out of the bed.

"No we can do it In here. I'll go get the stuff." She walks out the room and comes back with conbs picks brushes ponytail holders a flat iron and a curling iron.

"Do you need to take a shower or anything? I don't want your hair falling flat." She says laughing.

"Nope I took one last ." I reply smiling at her.

"What color brush do you want? Well what color of everything do you want?" I look at all the colors she has. She has almost about every color. I finally decide on my favorite color.

"Purple." I grin. She grabs the purple pick,comb,and brush. I wonder why she has all this stuff.

"Mama?"

"Hmm?" She sits down on the bed and pats between her legs. I sit down and she begins to pick out my hair.

"Why do you have all of this stuff? Like all these different color brushes and stuff." She sighs.

"Things didn't go as I planned when I had you. I told myself that...you and I we were gonna be close. I planned out everything. What I was gonna call you. What we would do when you got older. I didn't plan on your father doing what he did,but he did. I struggled from then on. Not being the mother. I was suppose to be to you and Kevin. See your father and I ... We don't love each other,but we have no choice but to be with each other ,and boy do I hate it. I hated it when he kicked you out. I hate that he caused my struggle,but there's nothing I can do. I'm not strong enough not yet, but I will be. I'm not gonna act anymore for you and Kevin he's grown and you're almost there." She coughs.

"Mama you don't have to stay with him. You can leave him." I say. I never knew this about her.

"Baby your Dad and I we're stuck." I don't understand what she's saying. She can leave him. He left her. She can do the same thing.

"Mama you just have to be strong! You can leave him!" I say shaking my head. She stops combing and gently laughs to herself.

"Your Dad and I we have AIDS. Nobody will understand if we try to find other loves. We would have no sex life. Love is strong but when it comes to AIDS people don't play. We're stuck together." She lets out a deep breath then adds." Thought I'd never tell you that,but you need to know. That's why i'm always out of town. It's not all about work. I get treatments for this. I've been struggling with that since Kevin was born. " I feel like crying. I feel so guilty for all these years of how I thought bad for her and this whole time she was getting treatment for her AIDS. This is like a knife In the stomach. Maybe I should tell her about Zavian and I. She'll understand.

"Mama i'm sorry. I didn't know. I feel so bad for how I've looked at you these past years." She pats my shoulder.

"It's okay sweetie. I should've still been her as a mother to y'all. AIDS isn't an excuse for being a horrible mother." She continues to comb my hair and there's silence In the room. Finally I blurt out,

"Zavian and I ...we're not together anymore." I say tears coming down my face once again. She hugs me from the back. Whispering shh shh.

"I know." She says while rocking me from side to side her arms wrapped around my neck.

"How?" I ask.

"You came home. That's how. I may not have been here most of the time, but I know when my children are hurting."

"I have AIDS too mama. " I say turning around to look at her.

"He gave it to you?"

"Yes ma'am."

"I swear I look at you two and see your father and I all over again. Listen to me. Don't waste your life over him. Don't think you're obliged to him because of this. Don't turn out like me. Okay?" She says sternly.

I clear my throat. "Yes ma'am."

"Good... I only want the best for you. Do what your heart says okay?"

"Yes ma'am. I'm just In denial mama. I don't know what I did to deserve this." I tell her.

"You're gonna be In denial for awhile. We're gonna get you a doctor so you can get treated." It feels so good to have My mama by my side.

"Thank you mama. "

"Don't thank me. This is what i'm here for. Now let me finish your hair. Dry your tears. This all stays between me and you.

She finishes my hair and it looks beautiful. She gave me big Pretty curls. I give her a hug and a kiss before she walks out the door. I'm glad that this happened. I look at the clock two more hours til the draft. I better start getting dressed!

Shocker huh! :) haha! Well hopefully you all liked that chapter! :) I enjoyed written it! :)