Absolution

Prelude

January 16th, 2014

My eyes open slowly but they are heavy. I cannot open them all the way. It feels like I'm squinting. Why is everything blurry? I see Robert leaning over me. He looks horrible. His eyes are sore and he is saying something but I can't hear him because my ears are ringing. The ringing does down and in its place, there's a beeping sound. I still can't open my eyes fully.

Robert leaves the room and returns with a man dressed in white. Wait, am I in hospital? Why? I try to ask the question out loud but there is something covering my mouth. It feels cold. It must be plastic. Coming to think of it, the air going into my nostrils feels exceptionally cold and clear. I must be in an oxygen mask. The man in white is leaning close to my face. Personal space, people!

"Beth, nod if you can hear me." He says. He has a nice face and a nice deep voice to go with it. His breath smells lemony. What is that? His tooth-paste? Mouth wash? Good choice.

I nod my head. It feels painful and heavy and makes me flinch. Good God, what is going on?!

"That was painful, was it?" he asks.

"You think?!" I respond. In my head of course because I still can't seem to move my lips.

He leans over me and I hear the sound of an intercom coming on. He smells so nice. I can't place the scent. I have always been bad with colognes.

"Can I get 20mg's of Morphine in 3, please? Thank you."

"Morphine?!"

"Beth, do you know where you are?" the nice face is back. "Let's try this. I'll put my hand here" he puts my hand over his. "Tap my hand once for yes, twice for no. Is that fine?" he asks.

I tap once.

"Do you know where you are?"

Two taps. He takes a deep breath.

"You are at St. Anne's Memorial Hospital. I am Dr. Nicholas Garvey, the head OB-Gyn here."

"Why an OB-Gyn? Am I on the wrong floor?"

"You were in a coma for three days resulting from a hit and run accident, Beth. We're lucky that a Good Samaritan found you lying on the side of the road and brought you here. You sustained some internal injuries and the blunt force trauma to your abdomen caused a tear in your uterus that lead to a miscarriage. We had to perform an emergency DNC to remove the fetus but unfortunately the damage to your uterus was too extensive and we had no choice but to perform a hysterectomy to prevent you from bleeding out. I am so sorry for your loss, Beth."

My loss? A miscarriage? I was pregnant? I'd spent the last three years on fertility drugs to try to fall pregnant and when it finally happened, some idiot ran me over and killed my baby? Out of the corner of my eye I see my husband Robert sobbing into his hands quietly. The doctor is saying something about doing more tests now that I am awake and talking to the police to see if I can remember anything about the person that ran me over.

I look over at Robert again. His eyes are sore and red. I close my eyes and all I see is red. I was pregnant and some idiot ran me over. I see lights dashboard lights. The radio is at full blast. There is a heavy metal song on the radio. The car is speeding and my heart is racing. I hear shouting and then feel a sharp pain across my face. It takes me a few seconds to realize that I've been slapped. I blink away hot tears and try to speak but a hand grabs the back of my head and slams it against the dashboard once, pauses and slams it once more. I try to inhale but I draw in something sticky with a metallic taste. Blood. The hands leave my head but the next few seconds happen just as fast. My seat belt is tugged and pulled off, my door is opened and I'm punched and kicked in an attempt to expel me from the moving car. I try to hold on to my seat and get a numbing blow to my face. My hands go to my face, leaving myself unguarded. I receive a shove that sends me flying out of the vehicle.

"Beth?! What's happening to her, Doctor?" Robert is asking in a panicked voice.

I open my eyes. The room is spinning and I feel lightheaded and nauseous and my skin is hot. I must be visibly uncomfortable because I am suddenly surrounded by nurses and the doctor is yelling at one of them to give me the Morphine.

"No, wait. I know what happened now!"

"This is going to sting and then you'll feel better, Mrs. Orton." A nurse is saying.

I feel a tiny jab and reach for my doctor's hand. He looks at me then back at the machines and chaos around me.

"No, stop that, look at me!" I am trying to squeeze his hand but I am getting weak.

My eyes are getting heavier and the drowsiness kicks in. Robert's face is the last thing I see before my eyes close. He is not sobbing any more. His sore eyes are fixed on my face but I cannot read his expression. He wipes his face with his hands and stands up to leave the room.

"I was finally pregnant after three years of trying and an idiot threw me out of a moving car and killed my baby" I think before everything goes black.