Insanity

Three

Days away from home: unknown
Kill count: 20
Mentality: Loosening it

I don't know how long I've been gone. I don't know how long it's been since the fire. I feel like I'm loosing my mind, Aurum and I have been jumping from motel to motel, never staying long in one place. I don't want to be found. I've done so many bad things to so many innocent people. I wish I could turn back the clock and fix everything. I wish I was stronger, I wish I could fight against the voices but I can't. I think I'm slowly losing my mind. I don't know what to do, I'm scared, I don't know what to do. I'm so lost, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.

You are the worlds saviour.
You are the worlds saviour

Stop it please! Just stop! I want to go home. I'm done with this! I curled up into a ball on the ageing bed covers of the fourth motel this week. Tears ran down my face as I cowered from my mind.

Pathetic! Do you really think you can hide from us? You're pathetic! Get up and fix yourself up!

I'm pathetic. I'm gonna go to the bathroom and get washed. I turn on the rusting tap. I bent down and splashed my face with the cold water, it didn't calm my mind, it set it on fire.

Kill
Kill
Kill

I have no choice. My right to freedom has been taken away from me by my own mind. I can feel myself slowly disappearing from reality and it hurts. It hurts to see what I've become. It hurts to see what I'm changing into to. It hurts to see the monster I see in the mirror. I don't know what to do, there's no way of controlling it, I have lost control over my mind, of my freedom, of my humanity, of my life.

Kill

I turned off the shower and wrapped my towel round me and carefully stepping out. I walked into the bedroom and pulled out clothes from my bag (clothes that I stole). I dried my body quickly and changed into the cold fabrics. I took my wash bag and headed back into the bathroom. The mirror was clouded up but I just used my sleeve and cleared a space for me to see my reflection. My face was flushed and my hair dropped down my back, I combed it gently, remembering the days it was just me and Dad. I remember him sitting on the stool as he brushed my hair, he would plait and tie it into buns and ponytails. I would love it when he did that, when he was finished he would kiss the top of my head "my little princess. Stay this young forever" he would always say this to me. I wish I could I could too Dad.

Kill

I brushed my teeth but all I could see was my adolescent self and my dad brushing my hair. I finished and rinsed my face. I looked in the mirror and combed my hair through again. "Fuck it" I don't want to be reminded of a man that is dead. I want to forget them, all of them. I pulled out scissors (what? You never know when you need them) out of my bag and stormed back into the bathroom. I took the blades to my hair and cut. I cut it right down to my shoulders. I cut it all off. My hair used to almost reach my waist, now it just touches my shoulders. "So this is what I've become? Fuck it"

I stormed out the bathroom and picked up the gun (that I stole) from the bedside table. I stuffed it into the waistband of my jeans at the back and pulled a hoodie on to cover it up. I got out the crumpled newspaper I shoved in my bag this morning, "let's see who's on the hit list today" I muttered to Aurum who lay on the bed, half asleep. "Ooh there's been a car crash not far from here. Hit and run they say! Boring" I keep searching the paper till I spot a guy who had been in a teacher-student relationship. Once it had been discovered he went on the run, apparently took the girl with him, "look at that, last seen location is only a little bit away from here. Only ten minutes out the way. I bet you right now he's in this very motel! This should be fun"