i can't love you

5

adore/dannys POV
once im back on the bus and am all cried out i decide to sing some of my songs, im getting concerned about my vocals since the smoke is really taking its toll on my voice. i sing 'hello i love you' and it goes great, it sounds how its always sounded so thats good, i sing party, dtf and jump the gun and they all sound good so that puts my mind at ease a bit. i sing 'i adore you' and i struggle to hit any of the high notes, my vocal arent as strong as they used to be and its making me so angry at myself. the one thing i was good at- the one thing everyone complimented me on, and i went and threw it out of the window. i try again, going through the whole song and i cant hit the notes, i can get close but not close enough for it sound amazing, it sounds mediocre, like im some amateur. "THE ONE FUCKING THING I WAS MEANT TO BE GOOD AT!!" i scream before grabbing my phone and throwing it to the ground watching it smash into tiny fragments. i collapse onto the floor and break down. katya rushes onto the bus "adore whats wrong?!" she says "i heard you yelling from down the street!" she says sounding concerned "the one thing i was good at, i managed to ruin along. like always" i say, sat on the floor with my knees pushed up against my chest and my head inbetween "danny what are you talking about?" she says, "ive fucked up my vocals with all the smoking and shit" i say calming myself down "youre still amazing at singing, just try and cut back from the smoking and stuff and keep training your voice and you'll be back to MURDERING them vocals in no time!" she says reassuringly before giving me a hug "sorry" i say "for??" she asks looking confused "being a fucking pain in the ass all the goddamn time" i say "danny you know me, im straight to the point, if you were annoying me and if i didnt want to help you, i would have told you by now" she says laughing, i thank her and then she goes into her room to sleep.

its 3:50am and roys still not back on the bus, im relieved since i didnt feel like talking to him but hes still my best friend, despite this whole thing thats happening, so obviously im concerned. i pick my phone up and right as im about to call him he stumbles into the room "hhheyy c-chooola" he says slurring. great, hes drunk. he stumbles over to me and puts his arm around me "i-iloveyouuuu" he slurs "roy you're drunk, lets get you to bed" i say, hes cute when hes drunk so im doing my best not to pay to much attention to what hes saying and doing. i manage to get him out of drag and into pyjamas "i love you dannnnny" he says trying to kiss me, its hurting me to hear him saying what ive wanted to hear for so long because i know hes drunk and doesnt know what hes saying. "do you not love me anymore?" he asks giving me puppy dog eyes "roy-please, i know you're drunk so you dont know what you saying please stop" i ask "if you let me kiss you" he says winking cheekily "roy-" i begin but before i get a chance to say anything else he smashes his lips onto mine, i pull away, its what ive wanted for so long but not whilst hes drunk. i couldnt do that, im not that girl.

roy eventually settles down and i manage to get him into his bed and i tuck him in, i go to walk off but he grabs my hand before i can "what?" i ask trying to sound nice but quite honestly im exhausted and need to try and sleep. "thank you" he says before falling asleep and releasing my hand. i get into bed and try to fall asleep, hoping ill forget all about this day by tomorrow-unlikely.