Satisfaction

Chapter 1:

"Theres a reason your leaving damnt." I was starting to get frustrated with his coming and going as he pleased bullshit. "Manda, its just not... Just not the same anymore." He gave me a sympathetic look. "Oh dont pitty face me Joshua." He sighed and rubbed his temples. "Jesus christ Manda, what the hell do you want from me? To stay? To stay unhappy and be unfaithful? For who? You? I think its mostly you." I was stunned, he had some nerve! " Fine ! Leave go! Dont ever come back while your at it. Leave me, i dont need you! I DONT NEED YOU! NOR DO I WANT YOU! He laughed, swung his bag onto his shoulder and left. I covered my head with the blanket, praying this was all a bad nightmare and it would be over soon. Soon realizing it wasnt i got up and walked to the kitchen. I opened the fridge and grabbed an apple, i quickly rinsed it off and walked to my room. I slid under the covers and put my apple on my night stand. I wasn't even hungry, i was just upset. Before i knew it i was in dreamland. "Mommy!" "Mommy!" "Mommmyy!" I heard a child like voice calling. I sat up startled, i was drenched in sweat. I could feel the tears fall down my face. I pushed my blanket back and sat up, my feet touched the cold floor, i shivered. I walked to the living room and unplugged my phone. I unlocked it and clicked on facebook, i scrolled my newsfeed for a while. Same as every other day, pictures of my friends having parties, going out, getting married, having babies, going on trips, and of course im not even told anymore. Theyre answers are "oh Mandy im sorry i guess my message didnt go threw" or " oh jeez, my invite didnt get there?!" I eventually learned to quit asking. I looked at my phone it was 2 am. Crap. I was going to be exhausted in the morning i had work in 3 hours. I walked back to my room as i walked down the hallway i walked past James's room. James is the baby boy we were suppose to bring home happily 4 years ago. After 3 more years of trying we eventually quit. We took it as a sign we just weren't meant to be parents at least not together. I stopped in his doorway i once again was becoming emotional, i dont have the power to hurry along the process of hurt and that hurts even more. I walked into his room and even without the light i knew were everything was the crib Matthew built for him in the left corner right next to the window so he could see outside when he learned to stand and sit, the swing in the right corner next to the changing table, the rocker next to the door. I grabbed a blanket from his closet that was still filled with little baby onsies because i was afraid to get rid of them because i didnt want him to be watching over and think i had forgotten, i hadnt i wouldnt. I layed on the floor and silently cried myself to sleep as i thought about everything that had gone wrong.