The Revel Heart || Ni-ki

08

The neon lights of the bar flickered like a heartbeat, casting a vibrant glow over the crowd. Celine swayed in the dim atmosphere, a buzzing energy filling her veins. She had been partying for hours now, her glass of wine long emptied, and the music was starting to blur together. Her mind danced between exhilaration and a strange sense of unease. She had always liked to unwind like this, but tonight, something felt different. It was almost as if there was a pull in the air, an unspoken anticipation that she couldn’t quite place.

She turned, scanning the room, and that’s when she saw him. A familiar figure in the corner of the bar, his head slightly bowed, hands clutching a half-full glass. Ni-ki. She couldn’t quite make out his expression, but she could see the slump in his shoulders, the way his posture seemed heavy with something he wasn’t saying.

Celine’s heart thudded a little faster. She wasn’t sure why, but she felt compelled to go to him. Her mind clouded with alcohol and curiosity, she made her way through the crowd, weaving between the throngs of partygoers, until she finally reached him.

"Ni-ki?" Her voice was louder than intended, cutting through the noise of the bar.

He looked up, his eyes bloodshot, a lazy smile creeping across his face, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. "Celine," he slurred, clearly surprised. "What are you doing here? You’re not… you’re not supposed to be here."

She furrowed her brow, the concern creeping into her voice. "What’s wrong with you? You’re totally wasted."

He chuckled bitterly, taking a long gulp from his glass. "I’m just having fun, Celine. It’s what people do when they’re tired of pretending, isn’t it?"

"Fun? You look like you’re about to fall apart."

Ni-ki’s eyes darkened for a moment. "Maybe I am. Maybe I’m tired of holding everything together, you know?"

Celine’s brows furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

He shook his head as if to clear it, his words slurred but sharp. "I mean... everything. Expectations. Everyone’s always expecting something from me, but no one asks what I want." He paused, his face twisting slightly as if he were trying to suppress something. "It’s exhausting, Celine. And you wouldn’t understand."

Celine’s gut twisted at the sharpness in his tone. "Try me," she said, stepping closer. "I’m listening."

Ni-ki stared at her for a long moment, as if weighing whether he should continue. His hand trembled as he set the glass down, and then, with a sigh, he finally spoke. His voice was quieter now, almost fragile.

"It’s not that I don’t want to be… I don’t know, close to people. It’s just that it’s so much easier if I don’t let anyone in. If I keep them at a distance." He looked down at his hands, his fingers drumming absentmindedly on the edge of the table. "You see, my parents... they never said it out loud, but I know what they expect from me. I’ve known since I was a kid."

Celine felt a cold knot form in her stomach. "What do you mean?"

He met her gaze, his expression suddenly hard. "I mean they had this plan for me. They had this vision of who I should be. A perfect student, a perfect son. Someone who could get into the best schools, someone who could... you know... make them proud. But it’s never enough. No matter what I do, it’s never enough." He inhaled deeply, his shoulders tense. "They don’t care about who I am. They care about what I can become. And it’s suffocating."

Celine’s heart ached as she watched him crumble under the weight of his words. "That sounds horrible, Ni-ki."

"Yeah." He chuckled, but there was no humor in it. "But it’s the only life I know." He paused again, as if considering something. "I’ve spent so long trying to meet their expectations that I don’t even know who I am anymore."

Celine’s mind reeled, processing his words, trying to understand the depth of his pain. "But you’re still here. You’re still you."

He shook his head. "You don’t get it, do you? You don’t know what it’s like to live in that kind of pressure. To have people look at you and only see a future that’s already mapped out for you. I’ve never been allowed to make a mistake." His voice broke slightly, and he paused, clearly struggling with something beneath the surface. "I can’t... I can’t do this anymore."

Celine felt a pang of empathy. She had always known Ni-ki as a confident, carefree guy someone who never seemed to take things too seriously. But now, the cracks were showing, and she wasn’t sure how to help him piece them together.

"I know you’re not used to talking about this stuff," she said softly. "But you don’t have to go through this alone, Ni-ki. You don’t have to carry it all on your own."

He laughed bitterly, shaking his head. "You don’t understand, Celine. You can’t possibly understand." His eyes flared with frustration, his anger coming out as a defense mechanism. "You can’t just come here and think that you can fix everything with a few kind words. This is who I am. This is what I have to deal with. And no one gets it." He stood up abruptly, his voice rising, slurring more as the alcohol caught up with him. "I don’t need anyone feeling sorry for me. I don’t need you to pity me."

Celine flinched, her chest tightening at the venom in his words. "I’m not pitying you, Ni-ki. I’m just trying to understand. But if you want to push me away—"

"Good!" He interrupted her, his voice harsh, almost spiteful now. "Push me away. Because you don’t understand. No one does."

His words cut through her like a blade, and she felt the weight of them, the frustration that laced his pain. She wasn’t sure what to say to make it better. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. He was too far gone, too deep in his own turmoil for her to reach him.

Ni-ki staggered backward, glaring at her for a moment, before turning and stumbling toward the exit. Celine stood there, stunned, the air between them thick with the tension of unspoken words.

As Ni-ki disappeared into the night, Celine stood in silence, the crowd’s laughter and chatter a sharp contrast to the emptiness that seemed to settle over her. She had wanted to help him, but now, she wasn’t sure if she had made things worse.

She touched the edge of her temple, feeling the dull ache of a headache starting to form. It was hard, seeing him like that broken, vulnerable. But maybe that was the point. Maybe the only way he could deal with it was by pushing people away.

Her eyes lingered on the spot where he had been standing. She didn’t know if she’d ever be able to reach him, but she knew one thing for sure: he was hurting. And now, more than ever, she realized that the man she had known was just a mask, hiding the chaos beneath.

Celine took a deep breath, trying to steady her racing heart.