how to become a pigeon and escape life forever

step 1

eat at least 5 chicken nuggets a day, on the 2nd full moon from now, light 16 waikiki melon scented candles after placing them in the shape of a tree, get one slice of wholemeal bread and tear it into 6 equal pieces and place them in any way you like that isn't stacked in the middle of you're 'tree', after that the guardian of the spiritual pigeon kingdom will arrive in your shoe so stomp twice and and and your spirit will descend to the pigeon's realm of existence.