Why Do You Do This? (YouTuber FF) *under editing*

Jo's Ho

Day 4 out of the 14 day trip.

After my phone call with mom, all there was to do was sitting around the hotel room contemplating what to do next. An apology to Dan, Phil and Tyler is in order but when. Sooner than later would be best. After a few hours, Troye knocked on my door. He wants to talk to me. Tyler was back at the hotel but he was to annoyed to talk with me. So he raged about it with Troye. It's safe to say that I really messed up. So after Troye had a little chat with me and he made sure that I was fine, he left. Leaving me alone once again. It was nine when I when to bed which is really early. I didn't even feel like going on Tumblr. That's saying something. In the middle of the night I heard a soft knock on my door. I tip toed over and looked through the looker whole... thingy. Tyler stood outside, dressed in sleep pants and a sleep shirt. His hair all messy and his eyes tired looking. I couldn't open the door. Not yet. So I tip toed back to bed and fell asleep.

So this morning when I woke up by my phone practically blowing up, I wasn't surprised. Tyler just wants me to answer him probably. The clock on the side read 9:30 in the morning. Much to early for this. Lazily, my hand grabs the light up phone. My eyes take a second to adjust to the bright screen. It's twitter. What kind of nightmare had twitter forsaken me with this time. My thumb slides across the screen, accessing the app. Loads of people tweeted me.

'Congrats!'

'Happy 200,000!'

200,000 what exactly? My mind is to tired to function. And then I see something from Zoe.

'Congratulations @SunnyJo for the 200,000 subscribers! It's a huge mile stone.'

Instantly, I'm awake and checking my youtube. It's true. Over night I have some how managed to reach 200,000 subscribers! That's huge! I quickly tweet a thank you for everyone who subscribed and who is congratulating me. How could I gain 100,000 subscribers in a little more than a month?! It's absolutely crazy. I quickly put on black skinny jeans and my soft purle sweatshirt. Before leaving I slip on my uggs and run across the hall. I have to tell Tyler! I knock rapidly on his door. Almost jumping up and down. Wait, he is still mad at me! I can't just waltz in there and act as though I didn't screw things up. But before I could turn away, he opened the door. He is already dressed in a sweatshirt and jeans. Nothing over the top. And his hair is the usual blonde quiff. His glasses large on his face. He doesn't look upset anymore. He looks emotionless.

"Tyler, I'm sorry." I force out. He stands there. Doing and saying nothing.

"I shouldn't have done what I did," The words start to pour out of my mouth without a second thought. "Behaving like how I did was totally uncalled for. I have no excuse at all. Just please don't be mad at me. I am so, so sorry." My voice is coated in regret. And I do regret it. How I acted was unnecessary. I should have sat Dan and Phil down and tell them the truth. Well, just the anxiety parts. Not yelling at them for thinking that I did something else. I wish I could blame it on hormones but it wasn't. It was me panicking.

I was about to continue my apology but as my mouth opened, Tyler's strong arms wrap around me, squeezing as hard as he can. Of course, without even think, my arms find their way around him, embracing him tightly. We stand there in each others arms for a moment, silence enveloping us effortlessly. Until he speaks. "Of course I forgive you, I'm your ho, Jo. Now shut up with your terrible apology before I un-forgive you." I smile into his neck. He is my queen. He is my ho. He is my best friend. "I love you, Tyler. I really do. You are the best friend anyone could ask for and I'm glad you're in my life." He chuckles slightly and pulls away. His hands stay on my shoulders, holding me at arms length. "I love you too, Jo. Don't be stupid again."

After that, it was like it never even happened. We continued on as we always do. We joke, we laugh, we cry from laughing to hard. Like it should be between us. But in a moment were is was quiet. Something was missing. Words were unsaid, and I knew what it was. I asked Tyler about Dan and Phil. How I should apologize. And how the acted when I left. He said that Dan continued a rage. He didn't yell. Or scream. Or brake anything. He just raged. Saying how people should do that to themselves. I agree with him, people shouldn't cut themselves. Take it from people who did. No matter how much I loved it. Needed it. Wanted it. I will never do it again. Tyler also said that I should apologize today. They didn't continue filming the video because 1) i was gone 2) Dan was raging and 3) they didn't feel like it after. So they are going to film it today. They said that I am welcome to come back. But for some reason, that welcome doesn't feel to welcoming.