The Boy in the Rain//Klance

38. Keith

Dinner was quick and uneventful. Lotor and Acxa left after our little incident so the rest of dinner was mildly enjoyable.

I watch with remorse as Lance, Hunk and Pidge get into Hunk's car. I wish I told Lance to just come home with me. He's supposedly been staying at my house for two nights now and he hasn't once slept in my house actually.

Why do I even want him to sleep with me- in my house I mean.

I think as I slide onto my motorcycle.

As I drive home I feel a little colder than I ever would with Lance.

                                     *****

My bed isn't warm, even with my blanket wrapped tightly around my body. The comforter is not doing it's job of comforting very well unfortunately.

I'm thinking of Lance. He's having a fun time at Hunks' probably. He's probably forgotten all about me.

At least today was somewhat good. There was a lot of Lance today, too much Lotor though. I am happy because even in the end when I almost fought Lotor, Lance still (sort of) sided with me.

We hugged a lot today. It was nice. He's so huggable, it's actually scary. What if someone else tries to hug him?

Allura.

I completely forgot about her.

Allura.

Lance's girlfriend.

God how could I be so stupid to think that Lance would ever just be with me. He has Allura, she is his girlfriend. She is his and he is hers. She's told me that plenty of times I should've remembered.

I pull my blanket closer to me and bring my legs up to my chest. It's so cold without him.

Sleeping under the stars with him is imprinted in my brain. I can't stop thinking about me curled into his side with his arms around me. That's such a romantic thing.....

Was it romantic? It felt romantic.

My room is dark except except for the light my window casts on the floor. I can see the moon and the stars shining brightly. I get up from bed and let my blanket fall to the floor.

I walk to my window and look out. My front yard stretched far down but I can see other mansions near my own. Other unnecessarily huge houses all lined up together.

After unlocking the window I silently slide it open. I stick my head out the window and look around for a safe landing. The roof is right next to me.

I hold on to either side of the window and stick out my legs and let them dangle for a minute before feeling the sturdy roof.

I arch my back and slide out completely. I'm onto the roof, or at least the slanted part of it. I look up and see the slant I'll have to climb to get to the flat part of the roof. I dig my feet into the shillings and grab onto the roof as hard as I can. I climb.

My breath huffs and I breath in the warm air. It's June so even in the dark of night it's warm.

I reach the top of the roof with ease and slide myself into a laying position, with my arms under my head as a pillow. The stars shine brightly above me and I let myself smile. The moon is full and bright, and I find myself relating to the moon.

I find myself thinking of the sun too.

The bright and warm sun. Always shining on others, always lighting up others'. Without the sun no one would ever survive, we need the sun. I need the sun. The sun is always there. The sun is beautiful and I love the sun. I love him.

I stick my hand out and grasp at the moon.

It's so far away. It can't ever be near the sun. The moon is always chasing the sun but the sun is too busy lighting everyone's life to wait for nighttime. The moon and the sun can never be. The sun is needed, while the moon just waits and wishes he could have a part of the daytime too. The moon just wants to have a part of the daytime to share with the sun. The moon just wants the sun. But the moon knows he's selfish.

I feel hot tear streaks down my cheeks and I don't try to wipe them. I let them fall. If only he was here, but I'm too selfish. He's having fun without me and that makes me so angry but happy at the same time. At least I know he's happy, and if he's happy then I guess I'm alright.

Because my happiness just comes from his happiness. Because my love for him comes from his love for everyone. Because even though I love him so much he refuses to love me back in fear of giving himself too much. Why does he hate himself so much to refuse what everyone wants from himself? He never lets me in to his heart or his brain. He'll never tell me what's going on in his mind.

Liar.

He did open up to you.

You just didn't know what to do.

So you pretended he never did.

I know I didn't comfort him good enough. He was hurting and he told me everything. Yet I didn't help him, I didn't heal him like I wanted to. He gave me the chance to reach out but I didn't. I was too scared.

I'm not scared anymore.

With one final look up at the moon I slide down the slant of my roof. I pull myself back into my window. I put on my shoes and I grab my phone.

I'm not scared anymore.

I rush out my bedroom door, not caring who hears. I run down the glass stairs of my house. I force the door open and leap out of the house.

I'm not scared anymore.

I hop onto my motorcycle and start the engine.

I'm not scared anymore.

Lance, I'm not scared of you anymore. I'm not scared of loving you anymore.

Please be brave for me.

Hey! I'm sorry this has taken a while... but now that it's summer for me I haven't been on a schedule. Ya know with school I'd come home and then write but now I've just been sleeping a lot. I'm volunteering tomorrow at the SPCA and I'm really nervous. I don't want to mess up, I have a fear of embarrassment so I'm just super super anxious about messing up/screwing up and hurting someone or myself. Well thank you for reading, this was a shit chapter, and have a goooood day~~