Battle Scars [BxB]

O N E

Luca

Theo

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This is a sequel to 'The Dutch Boy', and is written from Theo's perspective.

TW: depression, self harm, and mentions of suicide.

Thank you for reading, and please enjoy :)

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I told myself that everything was okay. But it wasn't. My life was a whirlwind of mistakes and chores and forcing myself to get out of bed.

Sometimes, I didn't even see the point. Those sunny days were just distant memories now, and the hope of ever seeing them again was slowly dwindling away.

Sometimes I was happy. Like when I was with my boyfriend. When movies had happy endings. When my brother bought me a snack on his way home. Or when I imagined myself in someone else's body, living a different life and having a different purpose. But most of the time, I wasn't happy. I just felt broken.

The thought of being dead sounded quite nice. Sleeping in a cozy coffin under the soft dirt, never to wake again. I wouldn't even have to dream. I could be free. Free from this life and this existence. I wouldn't have to worry about the people at school or whether I'll ever be enough for my boyfriend. I didn't deserve him. He was wasting his time and effort on someone like me, someone who could never make him as happy as he makes me.

I loved him. And he thought he loved me back. Maybe he really was in love, I couldn't tell. But I couldn't help regurgitating those feelings of crushing self hatred. Who could ever love me? It was a genuine question. I was scruffy and dorky and shy. I had an irritating stutter, and the fact that Luca had put up with it for so long still astounded me to this day. I didn't belong with someone like him. He was far too perfect for me. And that's why I couldn't let myself believe that he truly loved me. Because that was just impossible.