It Cost Two Weeks (will be edited)

Prologue

June 23, 2000 [Flashback]

"Happy Birthday!" - "Happy Birthday Sweetheart!" - "Happy Birtdhay doll!" - "Blow out the candles!" - "makes a wish!"

I blew out my four birthday candles, making my last and final like it was my only wish to ever make, 'I wish to-uh- i wish- that I'll be be a beautiful princess, with big boobies. Like Brittney Spears! Man, to look like her, i'd have all boys after me!' -My exact wish.

My daddy kissed my forehead and cut me a , rather large, piece of birthday-chocolate cake.

'Someday I'll have a prince and he'll look at me and kiss me like my daddy does to my mama.'

Wow, what a joke that was, I mean c'mon! Those fairytale endings- "live happily ever after"- thats all bullshit. As much as I love watching those Disney Princess Movies, Ive come to realize that all they do is feed children lies. Lies that lead us all to dissapointment and heartbreak when we are older.

Growing up in a loving enviorment, I'd never expected heart break. I never really knew what it was. I just knew that once you're in love you cant be taken out of it.

A couple years ago, maybe 2009-2010? I really dont know. I went to this church camp with my best friend. At that camp i experienced something i didnt know was possible. I was emotionally drenched in Jesus Christ, and it felt amazing. My councelor there told me all about how "God works in mysterious and creative ways, you never know when he's gonna creep up from behind our shoulders and grab us by the heart, making us feel welcome." At that camp in those four days, my life was changed. i learned these three things:

One: Religion is a load of crap. I grew up in a family where we loved God and went to church as much as possible, but I never really listened to what the pastor would preach about, i was always zoning out due to the crust in the closing corners of my eyes and feeling the eyes of my classmates burning a hole in the back of my head becuase they found out we go to the same church.

While i was taking a shower in the filthy, brown-molded tiled cabin bathroom, i was lost in a daze. So why should God care how we look? What we dress ourselves up in? Why would he care if we cut our hair to the style we love? Why would God care where/ when/ how we choose to worship and pray to him? So many religions are based majorly upon those two reasons (Penecostal, Muslim, Catholic, Judiasm, etc.) , I mean, isn't that why he gave us the freedom of opinion? All he really wants from us a relationship, he wants you. Our soul and heart, the hearts of his little babies. For us to represent what it means to have a growing connection with him. So from there on i didnt beleive all these human created details of how i should spend my days. God loves me, I love Him.

Two: I realized abstinence and purity are really important. I know almost half of the world's population "doesnt give a fuck" about that but when you put it into consideration, and learn the facts behind it, well it's a pretty good way to go.

So I've always been a pretty covered up kind of girl, showing off my "beautiful female goodies" to just anyone on the block doesnt get me too excited. In fact it actually gives me goose bumps. Studies show that "in a man, the brain areas assosciated with handling tools and the intentions to perform actions light up when viewing images of women in bikinis, suggesting that sexy images can shift the way men percieve women, turning them from people to interact with/to objects to act upon." Having said that, I hope you understand this- Bikinis make men see woman as sex objects. Now I'm not hatin' on guys or anything, but knowing that, i just dont like flaunting off my body to some guys i dont even know. Now I'm sure you're probably thinking Im some innocent girl who never has experienced true love and "oh if you experienced love you would totally change your mind." Mhm, yeah right. Me, love? No. Not possible. 

I have a alot of friends who believe a passionate hook up every once in a while will eventually lead them to "the one" like its a fantasy of theirs or something. But I dont believe in hooking up, my promise to myself and God is way stronger than my lame sexual desire to guys I think are beautiful.

Three: I don't fit in anywhere, and i mean ANYWHERE. I may have a butt-load of friends but Ive realized I never really fit in anywhere with them.

My whole child-hood was filled with the empty dissapointment of being left alone on the playground because the boys and girls didnt like me, not because i was talkative but because i was ugly with my long, foot-high, frizzy blonde locks that probably intimatated people scarring them off. I was ugly, not too mention i was extremely loud.

In middle school i was considered crazy and quite popular. The people who know didnt know me always assumed i was just a preppy-bitch who ate at the popular table (might i add the table Taylor, bestfriend, and I practically put together ourselves the first day of 6th grade.) But being crazy and popular didnt mean I fit in. I was always alone . Lunch i was always replaced with new people. School classes, I always alone in the front or back (either seat i didnt listen). Walking to classes, hanging out at parties, talking on group chats- always utterly and completely alone.

In high school i've got a couple real friend finally and still dont have people who talk to me. I always have to go find friends on my own.

So what I've realized is there will be no more filters. No more filters on my personality, language, friends. i'm done showing the real me to the wrong people. Im just me, Im just Margerlly Blunt, and no one can change that anymore. No one, No parent, no friend, fake friend, no celebrity i look up to, no...boy. No boy will ever change me. That i can promise.