You Die, I Die

CHAPTER TWELVE - TRIS

CHAPTER TWELVE - TRIS

My jacket lays in my hand, and my fingers clasp around it, making my knuckles white. My hand still stings from the impact of the hit against Tobias bristled face. Tobias.

The thought of his name makes me want to scream out of anger, and curl up into a bawl and not move for day. I don't want to be one of those girls whose entire world comes crashing down because of one boy.

But I am that girl.

I laugh to myself and shake my head. My feet set out on the journey to the train platform taking me too Erudite. It's been ages since I was last outside. I breathe in every breath likes it's my last, tasting the spring air, and allowing the morning suns rays to reflect off my pure skin.

I want to go home, but I can't. Faction before Blood. Eric didn't say anything about us visiting people in other factions, and after all, my mother did tell me to visit Caleb. "Tell him to research the attach simulation". Her clear instructions that she gave me in visiting day still swim in my mind, leaving only one thought.

Why?

I know that im not meant to leave the compound without a member, but I can't stop myself. It's like a desire surged throughout my entire body, pushing me towards the closest thing to home. As I see the train roll towards me I start at a sprint, sprinting alongside it waiting to pull myself inside, and let the train carry me towards my brother.

I extend my arm and grip the handle that passed me just a second ago. I let the wind pick me up off my feet, and I pull myself inside the carriage. Once inside a laugh rises inside me and makes its way out. I lay on my back, laughing, and watch the Dauntless compound disappear behind me. I sit up and cradle my knees to my chest, the laugh turns to tears, and the tears turns to sobs. I run my fingers through my hair, thinking of all that I have overcome, and yet, this hurts the most. I have let Tobias in enough to scar my wounded heart.

I close my eyes and picture Caleb's face. It's been weeks since I last saw him. When I left my brother, I felt like I lost a part of myself that I could never get back. I keep waiting for the time where I won't need my big brother, but I don't think such a time exists.

.......

I jerked awake in the train carriage, my eyes still heavy from sleep. My jacket lays across my body, shielding me from the cold, a small smile perches onto my lips until I notice a tall shadow sits with their legs hanging out the door, staring into the darkness. I slowly sit up, trying not to make noise, I want to scream for falling asleep on my one chance to see my brother, but I'm also thankful because I don't think I ever would have been able to leave him, not again.

A distinct pinching begins, pinching my insides together. Examining my knuckles I can faintly make out a dark purple colour hugging my skin. My knuckles hurt with the smallest of movements, even when I just lightly run my fingers over the dark colours. The pinching feeling is quickly covered by a blanket of guilt, a suffocating blanket if guilt.

I feel uncomfortable, like I'm wearing someone else's skin. If I'm not careful I could die.

I stand up and slowly levitate towards him.

I slipped into a small gap between him and the door. Our legs hang out of the carriage doorway, dangerously close to the tracks. He sits like a rock, unmoving. My eyes stick to his deep ocean blue eyes, and his tan brown skin. Still he sits staring into the marsh. I still like to try and imagine what it looked like full of water.

"I had too." Is all my nimble lips could mumble.

He looks at me blankly, for the first time since we've been here. "You had too, what Tris?" He questioned.