Back home, I would be beautiful.
Back home they would refer to me as an angel who matured into a goddess,
Long black curly hair, tied with a chain of daisy’s, natural and enchanting,
Golden brown skin, highlighted by the sun’s rays, glistening, radiant and carefree,
Illustrious surroundings that made me feel like a Nubian queen, all high and mighty, all of Earths elements on my side, protecting, enlightening and illuminating me
Full lips, the sweetest shade of rose and the smell of home constantly in the air and the smallest eyes, laced with the thickest eyelashes, curtains for the portals to my soul.
My body considered a temple, respected and pure, a tomb that contained priceless riches, an arching back, the roundest posterior followed by the most curvaceous hips and the most inpenetrateable thighs anyone could ever own.
Here I would be the most alluringly divine being known to those who set eyes, extracting sinful thoughts from men and flattering glances from women.
But I am not at home. I am here.
Where the sun is cloaked by dark clouds, rainy days and artificial lights.
Greying and dulling my skin, the cold constantly clawing, leaving unsightly scars, ugly.
My hair no longer considered full and rich, but nappy and unmanageable, over time, becoming more and more decorated with the hair of another woman, an animal. Anything but mine, anything but me.
My lips, mocked, the same mouth that could seduce the winds, ridiculed.
Here, I am an object, embellished with fakery and rainbow coloured mud. Dirty.
My body suddenly misshapen and grotesque, considered too big, too fat.
And society, this society, has even managed to penetrate my mind, has me believing that I am ugly. A toy that doesn’t fit the factory line of perfect women, I used to be so proud of my peculiarity.
So I dream. Long for the sun’s rays to save me and natures children to protect me, long to be beautiful once again, my dreams merging into reality as heavy rain disturbs me, I am reminded again, to look in the mirror, apply the rainbow mud that my body repels and at least try to blend into this society’s mirage of perfection.
