from the moment i set foot in our classroom, the sense of being 'out of place' already has stroked down me. As they spoke of things from that technology of which was made for communicating but now for amosement and boasting, i kept myself by the corner of my desk, feeling as alone as i can be.
boy: have you tried this app?
girl: cool!!!
i can never escape the fact that this phrase you say ' out of place' is something always felt in here....their phones with so called apps, games and features really had me felt jealous of them. me and my friends ,_________, are the so called outsiders of this place...as they talk about the things they have, we, as the 'poor', are left watching them of what that mean..
" we are so out of place here", i said, and she answered back with a nod,
"i can never understand what's cool about that," she said,
"idon't really care what's cool about it but i really want to belong ," i answered
and silence was brought down to the both of us.
it was friday, it suppose to be the happiest day of the week, but i really felt like hell indeed, and as always they were talking about the same old junk about apps once again.
when i got home, my stepfather had left his wallet laying around the table, at first i hesitated but i never wanted to be out of place anymore. i took enough money and hid it in my bag and the following day i bought a ccamera phone that is not branded but it was all i could afford.
upon coming home when i slightly pushed the front door open, i saw my mother and my stepfather fighting at first i wasn't clear what they were shouting but i noticed bruises on my mother, on her face and her body.. not only that, it wasn't just my mother getting beaten up but at the corner of the room was my sister who was also covered with bruises.
"WHERE IS MY MONEY?! HOW DARE YOU STEAL FROM ME, YOU, B**CH!" he shouted,
"I SWEAR I DIDN'T TAKE IT! YOU MUST HAVE SPENT IT ALL IN DRINKING!" mother replied,
"STOP LYING!!!"" he said as he slapped her, and that's when i realized whzzt they were fighting about. a sudden heavy feeling weighed on my shoulders, the feeling of guilt... stepfather did not blame me because i am his favorite and that made things heavier...
i went to school and tried to forget that feling. i stepped in our classroom with guilt lingering here and about. i put out my new phone, and tried to fit it with everyone,
" what the? is that a new phone?" girl asked.
"yes" i answered
"well, that's lame.... it's not even branded..are you chinese? hahahaahah" girl said,
"whoa, hahahaha! a china phone? really?" boy said,
and then, the bullying began...everyday, they tease me about the phone....nd i never felt so isolated but i was thankful that my friend,_____, was there to hear me out.
"i feel so worthless, because of me, my family is a mess and now, our classmates keep bullying me..." i wept, as she listened to my complaints,
" i hate this!" i saidd as i cried on her shoulders...
days passed but the same situation is taking place, my stepfather is always beating up my sister and mother..my classmates keep bullying me and making me feel more and more deppressed, guilty, tired, lonely, out of place ang many more... i didn't know if i could endure anymore...the thought of suicide keeps jumping to my mind..
until, one day, i choose to do so... i opened my camera phone and recorded myself hoping that i would give my lasst words... i absented on a weekday so that i could do it without anyone bothering me.. but just before i could hung myself, the door slam opened, ang my only friend came in with worried face,
"STOP!! don't do this!" she said shouting,
"what are doing here?" i asked
"you seem to have too much things in mind, that you forgot your phone, i'm sorry i looke through your files and found that video of yours," she explained,
"i...i'm" i mumbled as i slowly feel my eyes getting wet...she grabbed and hold me andd told me" you don'y have to end it this way... you just need to face them... tell them that you're the one who stole the money.. no one getss stronger and better if they run from their problems.."
"i just can't face them... i'm a bad daughter... a bad person... i stole my stepfather's money andd now...everything is a mess.. and all i did was watch... i couldn't be brave enough to tell them the truth... i'm afraid that they may choose to abandon me..." i explained
" tell me, which is worst? to tell them the truthto let things be until one day, you'll tell yourself that ' and be punished but things will return to the way it used to be or to let things be until oneday , you'll tell yourself that ' i wish i told them before things got this way?' " she said,
" you're right.. i'm the one who made this problem... i need to face it.. i will tell them about it tonight.. thank you for making m realize... you are really a true friend..." i said as i hugged her,
i build up my courage as i waited for them to arrive ... i was alone now.. and i will be facing this problem..
as the door knob turned, and the door slowly swings open, iopened my mouth and said, " i'm sorry.. i am the one who stole the money..please, forgive me.." and as tears came streaming down my face, i couldn't bring myself to look straight aat them... i felt a presence coming near me, it was mother, she was hugging me with care, and with love.. it made my tears burst more and more.. she tightly did so, as stepfather said," i'll let you through this one time..."
i felt light, hearing him say that...and ever since then, i tried my best to make them proud of me.. and i learned to face my problems which will mae me stronger, wiser and better in the future..
THE END
