Keys to Happiness

24. Key

The members and I sat on the hardwood floor of SM Entertainment's main building, breathing heavily after an intense dance practice. Even TaeMin, who was usually inexhaustible lay sprawled out next to the rest of us, his hands scrabbling for the water that was just out of his reach.

Onew hyung looked like death warmed over as he pushed the bottle into the maknae's hands and MinHo was rubbing at his ankle, the site one that had recently been injured. I shot him a concerned look and made to stand up, but he waved me off. I let out a huge sigh, my shoulders slumping.

I could tell that today's practice had taken more out of us than usual, but we always wanted to work harder when preparing for concerts. Even though this performance wasn't on nearly as large a scale as our recent Asian tour, we still wanted it to be perfect for our global fans.

I try to get my breathing back under control as I lean against the wall of the practice room, closing my eyes against the harsh fluorescent lights. My thoughts shifted away from the concert onto my mind's newest and most favorite topic: Aliah. I had told her something that I didn't like to think about, something that had embarrassed me and made me question my behavior each day.

Would I go through another depression; would I have a relapse if I didn't do well?
I didn't like to acknowledge these feelings but talking about my past had made me realize that I should talk about it more. It had been a release to tell her my deepest secret. And when she had seen the hurt and shame that I'd felt, she hadn't run away, but cried for me instead. She'd accepted me for who I was. And if I wasn't perfect than it wouldn't matter because she still wanted me.

I saw her crying face in my head, the way she'd held tightly on to my hand and the smile that formed on my face was one of joy. I couldn't help but wonder if this was what the books had always been talking about, what dramas sought to show their audience. Now the songs that SHINee had been singing for years finally made sense. Was this what love felt like?

Amid more groans and moaning than I had thought possible to come from four people, my members rose and started stretching as our dance instructor told us practice was over. I rushed over to my bag and threw a towel over my head, wiping away the sweat that had taken up residence in my hair.

I hated feeling sticky after sweating and I was thinking longingly of a hot shower when I felt the presence of people standing over me. As I looked up, my members and the backup dancers were all looking at me with a certain menace.

"Mwo, what is it!?" I said with irritation. These guys were always up to something.

"You've been spending all of your time with Aliah noona," TaeMin said in a practiced whine.

"Yeah, we don't see your face anymore KiBum-ssi. Having a girlfriend has changed you so much", MinHo joined in gleefully.

JongHyun and JinKi took steps towards me and I back away in reflex.

"So what do you want?" I asked again with a little fear in my voice.

"Nothing much," JongHyun said, "it's just going to be a boy's night out," he replied with a sinister smile

"Yah, I'm busy," I tried to protest as JongHyun and Onew grabbed me beneath the arms and half dragged me out of the studio.

"Don't worry, it's just one night," Onew said soothingly. "I'm sure Aliah-ssi won't mind."

My struggles didn't last long as TaeMin and MinHo grabbed everyone's belongings and we headed out to the van. As the guys all laughed and made jokes, the sense of easy familiarity born from years of being together put me at immediate ease. I guess one night without Aliah wouldn't be so bad.