little bitch

missing

i miss them so much it hurts

i miss my friend, and i always wonder how shes doing. is she better off? is she eating? why is it when i see her she is so thin and it hurts looking at you. do you still cut? i remember seeing the scar and i trying to help but how could i? im a fool, i only notice your tricks when we went out separate ways. but we're two different people, who walk different paths. but i miss you so much, but i dont know how to talk to you. i promise you i'll help you, i remember that, but i failed you. the worst thing is you probably dont even think of me anymore. is it selfish for me to be hung up on you?

i miss her, i use to love her. i remember writing shitty poetry and stories about us, and now we dont even talk. we went to friends, lovers, friends, then to strangers. i dont know what i did, i think its because the school was giving you trouble and you think i had something to do with it. your mind is sick, and i tried so hard to help. but now you dont want it and i dont know what to do. should i stay and wait, be persistent. or should i move on. 

i miss my dad. im going to be honest, you had a big impact on my life, but it was because i didnt know you.  you were always on hospital beds wasting away, and it was hard to see you. your mind deteriorated and your body was broken beyond repair. when mom said you were dead i was still devastated. you didnt deserve this, you didnt want this. i just want it to be normal, complain about how unfair your parenting is, have you be happy about my academic accomplishments. i did them for you, i never told anyone that. and now what do i have to prove for.