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This chapter takes place directly after chapter 59. Just after Jessica has left Amber's hospital room.
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Nothing.
That's all I saw staring into Amber's cold blue eyes. I used to be jealous of her eyes. How you could look into the pooling depth of blue and see a million things; her pain, her laughter, her sadness. Now its like she's not even there anymore. Like the Amber I loved had just packed up and moved out.
I scuffed my feet along the dirty grey pathway that lined the outer perimeter of the hospital and felt Liam's hand give mine a gentle, reassuring squeeze. I knew I looked a mess, I could practically feel my mascara dripping down my face, so I kept my head down and continued moving forward.
Forwards, Jessy, that's the only way. At least that's what my stupid grief councillor keeps saying. I hate his stupid fucking office with its stupid fucking lavender incense and his fucking boring white microwave. Everything is more boring now dad's not around.
The washing machine is no longer a clothes jacuzzi. My mom's fuzzy cat socks are now just socks, and that god damn toaster isn't a fucking bread tanner. At least that's what I screamed when I smashed it on the ground the day dad died. I had half expected him to walk up behind me and ask me what on god's name the bread tanner had ever done to me. But he never did.
I guess we all have our ways of coping with him being gone. I yell a lot more now and swear more too. My therapist keeps telling me it's 'all part of the process of acceptance'.
I keep telling him to get fucked.
"Princess, want me to drive you home?" Liam's voice is barely a whisper over the wind, but I hear him and nod. Looking up I notice his black BMW is parked right in front of us and I briefly wonder how long he's been standing here waiting for me to snap out my thoughts.
I've been doing that a lot lately, spacing out. Just thinking, about nothing, about everything. Sometimes I don't even want to think, sometimes I just beg and plead and scream for my brain to just leave me alone. But it never does.
