Couldn't Stop Caring || Bellarke || Completed

22. Guilt

A month had passed since Clarke's party. A month since any of them had seen Nathan. Clarke moved on with her life and focused all her attention on her baby's arrival. She still had three months until the baby would be born, but Clarke was still worried about the grounders and the new threat her mother had warned her about. To make matters worse, Clarke and Bellamy had been uneasy around each other, distant even. Ever since her mother had spoken to them about their toxic relationship, Clarke had tried to convince herself that Abby was wrong. But the more she thought about it, the more she started to see what her mother meant. And the more she worried that Bellamy was, too.

Was their love for each other destroying them without them realising? Were they so blinded by their affections that they didn't see the damage they were doing? They still had fights. They weren't as serious anymore, but they still had them. She'd always told herself that she needed Bellamy, and to some respect, she did. But she started to question whether it was really true or not. Even before they were together, when they hated each other, they still worked together. They still made the decisions together.

Clarke sat alone in their apartment. She decided she needed to tell Bellamy about this before another fight tore them apart. Bellamy had been recruited to the guards, and while Clarke was pleased for him, she worried about him. More grounders had been spotted in the woods, and Jaha had sent out search parties. Clarke had tried to talk him out of it, but Bellamy, being the stubborn man he was, wasn't having any of it. He was due to be back soon, and Clarke thought of every possible way to start her conversation.

Not that there was any point. As soon as Bellamy walked through the door, Clarke's mind went blank.

"Hey." Bellamy said tiredly as he threw his bag on the floor.

"Hi." Clarke replied.

Bellamy sat in the armchair with a sigh. The busy days had taken their toll and Bellamy, and he was beginning to feel the strain. It didn't help that when he came home, he didn't know how to act around his own wife.

"How did it go?" Clarke asked quietly.

"We found more trails. Kane thinks we're getting closer to their base camp." Bellamy said, his head leaning against the back of the chair with his eyes closed.

"Surely they'd have attacked you if you were?" Clarke pointed out.

"I don't know. That's the least of my worries right now." Bellamy sighed. He lifted his head up and looked at Clarke. His eyes searched hers, and he was disappointed in himself that he couldn't read her anymore.

"I think we need to talk." Clarke whispered.

"Let me guess, about our toxic relationship?" Bellamy said fiercely.

"How did you?" Clarke stuttered.

"Your mom spoke to me. She said she was worried about you and how our toxic relationship was hurting you." Bellamy said.

"And what do you think?" Clarke asked cautiously.

"Honestly? I don't know. We've lasted this long." Bellamy shrugged. "But I've lived with you this past month, and I know you're not happy, Clarke."

"Of course I'm happy!" Clarke argued.

"Really? Because you don't show it. As much as it kills me to say, I think your mom is right, Clarke. I'm hurting you, and I don't wanna keep doing that to you." Bellamy said sadly. He lowered his head.

"You're not hurting me. Just because we fight doesn't mean we shouldn't be together." Clarke said, her tears rolling down her cheeks.

"You were the one who said we needed to talk. You obviously know that it's right. I won't destroy you just because I'm too selfish to let you go." Bellamy mumbled.