Strangers of Sea & Land

Chapter 7

TRIGGER WARNING:
Detailed descriptions of a panic/anxiety attack.
Read at your own risk.
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I quickly washed the soap from my hair and shut off the water. Gritting my teeth, I shakily grabbed my towel and wrapped it around myself.

I sat down in a corner of the shower, my heart jumped and I choked on my own breath. The air around me chilled and felt cold and foreign. A constant pressure squeezed around me, my head ached.

I trembled and sweat began to bead on my skin. A sudden dizziness set in, I felt sick. So sick.

When will this stop? I can't control this...

helpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpme

There were sharp pains in my chest, and my lungs felt huge and swollen. Expanding so much, too much, yet not enough for air to get in.

I couldn't move, couldn't breathe, I was pinned against the cold tiles. Shivering and shaking, panic racing through my mind. Tears streamed down my face, every muscle in my body tensed. I was hyperventilating, sucking in all the air I could get. But it wasn't enough. My eyes were shut tight, trying to block out the horrible feelings and thoughts.

What happens if it doesn't stop? Why can't I breathe? It's too much. It's too much. I'm dying. I'm dying. I'm dying. There's nothing I can do. Pathetic. Worthless. You can't even save yourself. How could you save anyone else?!

GIVE UP GIVE IN GIVE UP GIVE IN GIVE UP GIVE GIVE IN GIVE UP GIVE IN GIVE UP GIVE IN GIVE UP GIVE IN GIVE UP GIVE GIVE IN GIVE UP GIVE IN GIVE UP IN GIVE UP GIVEN IN

WEAK

PATHETIC

USELESS

WORTHLESS

DISGUSTING

BITCH

just stop.

give up.

listen to me.

you're already dying.

I clenched my teeth, the voice in my head grew louder with each second. Screaming these words inside my skull. Scratching them into my ears, behind my face and above my throat. Choking out any hope, any confidence in me.

The tears burned my cheeks and my dry lips trembled. The doorbell rang. The voice slowly faded and I breathed slowly, the panic subsiding. I held on tighter to my towel as reality came back into focus.

I focused on the buzzing and ring of the door, I distracted myself from the anxiety running through my mind. Thinking of all the possibilities, of whoever was behind the door. I focused on this and this alone. I stepped out of the bathroom and went to throw on some pajamas.

"I'll be right there!" I shouted, loud as I could managed.

After I threw on some board shorts and a plain t-shirt, I went to answer the door.

The ringing had stopped and I opened it to find Starla, staring at me wide eyed.

"Katt, are you alright?" She put her and against my fave, using her thumb to wipe at my tearstained cheek.

I forgot to clean up.

My eyes welled, I didn't want anyone to see me like this. I shook my head slowly and looked down in shame.

She took my hand and squeezed it tightly, stroking my hair with the other.

I couldn't speak, not wanting to start crying again. She almost read my mind.

"It's alright, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.."

I nodded and led her inside the house. It was common to have her over so it wasn't a big deal to my family if I didn't tell them right away.

We walked upstairs to my room, hands still locked, and shut the door, locking it.

We curled up onto my plush blankets, Starla holding me from behind. I sighed at her comforting warmth. Her hands running circles in my back.

"It's okay, you'll be okay." She whispered.

I finally let the tears roll down, taking shaky breaths. I knew I had to tell her, but I didn't know how.

"I-I'm broken..." I started, feeling a dark emptiness in my chest.

"Oh Katt...no you're not.."

"I b-broke down..I c-couldn't control it..."

"Whatever happened It's not your fault. You're perfect, Katt."

I sniffled. "W-What?"

"Look..you'll be alright. Whatever happens, I know you'll be able take it.."

I fell silent at her kind words. A blush spread across my face. My heartbeat quickened but this time it was...nice.

"Katt, you're still the strong, funny, adorable girl I fell in love with. Don't forget that."

She kissed the top of my head gently. I turned to face her and smiled softly, eyes glistening with tears.

"I love you too.." I said shyly. We were so closed our noses touched, I saw her lashed flutter at this.

My eyelids lowered slightly, and my lips parted. I knew exactly what to do. Scanning her flustered expression, I leaned in and kissed her lips slowly.

They were so soft and warm. She kissed me back after the initial shock. I placed my hands on her cheeks and hers around my neck, pulling her closer.

We broke apart for air, a string of saliva connecting our mouths. Our hot breaths mingled sweetly. She captured my lips once again, passionately, pressing harder than before. The kiss got heated, as our lips moved on sync.

I licked her bottom lip, begging for entrance. She slowly parted her lips and and met my tongue with hers. Tangling them in sensual yet sweet movements. I let her explore my wet cavern, giving in to her dominance.

We made out in pure bliss until we had to break apart for air again.

"God, I love you.." She breathed out.

"Mmm..I love you more.."

She laughed softly. "No way."

We cuddled under the sheets until we both fell asleep. I curled up against her chest, feeling her heart beat. As she wrapped her arms around me and held me close. Whispering nothing but sweet, kind words. Tracing hearts and letters into my back.

Her body pressed against my own and our legs tangled. I sighed peacefully into a deep sleep.