Ghost in the Graveyard

Prologue

When I was a little girl growing up in a trailer park, all the local kids would get together every night and play a game called Ghost in the Graveyard.

Ghost in the Graveyard is basically Hide and Seek in reverse; one person hides, while everyone else counts down. They would could down:

One O'clock, Two O'clock, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, NOON. Only a few seconds left.

One O'clock, Two O'clock, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, MIDNIGHT. And all would scatter in different directions, hoping to be the victor who captures the "ghost in the graveyard". This game is best played at night, in a backyard so as to avoid pesky streetlights.

I managed to get away with never being the Ghost. We played this game every night for two years, and quiet Lisa never spoke up about never getting to be the ghost. All the other ghosts looked like they were having fun. I didn't want to look too needy by asking to be the ghost; at age seven, I didn't realize that this is what I was already doing with my life. Being a people pleaser. Don't rock the boat. Don't make a scene. Just quietly take what is given to you, and deal with the consequences later.

The Emilio moved into the neighborhood. Not only was Emilio not a people pleaser, he deliberately pushed buttons. One night when we were deciding on the ghost, he said, "How come Lisa never has to be the ghost? Is she scared or something? Maybe she knows she'll lose."

Rather than defending my own honor, I simply shrugged my shoulders. My brother, however, is hardly so passive. He took up the shield for me and said, "She's not scared! Lisa will make the best ghost there is!" Though I would never admit it to him, even to this day, all I've ever wanted is to make my brother proud. When the countdown started, I ran eagerly to the backyard.

Emilio's sister had a playhouse. Most of the kids hid to the left of it. I thought I was so clever, hiding to the right of it.

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That is the last thing I remember. Hiding to the right of the playhouse in Emilio's backyard. The next thing I knew, I realized I missed the Midnight countdown, and I heard all the neighborhood kids screaming my name. I ran out from next to the playhouse as fast as I could, grinning like a madwoman and evading JJ so i could get to base before he caught me. That was when I realized that no one was trying to catch me. They were all staring at me, open-mouthed and wide-eyed. Like I truly was a Ghost in the Graveyard.

"I won!" I tried to bring up the mood, not wanting to ask anyone why they weren't trying to chase me. My mother ran down the steps of JJ's house and hugged me, shaking with tears. Before I could even say goodbye to my friends, she took me and brother down the street and back to our house.

She locked me in the bedroom with her, while she asked me all kinds of questions.

"Where were you?"

I was hiding next to Emilio's playhouse. We were playing Ghost in the Graveyard.

"What happened after you hid?"

Nothing. I heard everyone screaming my name, so I came out of my hiding spot.

"Lisa, all the kids checked the playhouse. No one found you."

That's cause I hid on the right side. Everyone else hides on the left.

"Honey, they checked the entire playhouse. You weren't there."

Mommy, I didn't leave the playhouse. I swear. Please don't be mad at me.

She hugged me. "Baby, I'm not mad at you, I just want to know what happened. You were gone for almost 30 minutes. Megan's mom was about to call the police when you came running out. I promise you're not in trouble, I just need to know what happened. Did somebody find you? You can tell me anything. None of this is your fault."

My mom would've been perfect for a kid that actually went through trauma. Me? I don't have trauma. I have no idea what happened to me that night in the trailer park. My mom brought it up a couple of times after that, but appeared to eventually forget about it. My brother and dad gave me a hug, but never ever mentioned it. I am in my thirties now with a son of my own, and I couldn't even begin to guess where I was. I know my mom thinks I got snatched up, but what kind of person snatches up a kid, takes her away for thirty minutes, and then brings her back? And if the whole street was out in the yard looking, wouldn't they have seen me being brought back to my hiding spot next to the playhouse?

I won't say that that day haunts me, but I still think about it sometimes. There is a 30 minute gap of my life, where I don't know what happened to me, and no theories make any viable sense. I've thought about going to a hypnotherapist, but the fear always stops me. What if something truly horrific happened to me in that 30 minutes? I always say that the mind is the most powerful force in the world. What if my brain is trying to protect me?

I don't think I will ever investigate what happened during that game of Ghost in the Graveyard. I was a child, and sometimes children aren't equipped emotionally to handle the reality of what happens in the world around them. I can accept that.

What I can't accept is one adult taking away the memories of another adult. I have one black hole in my memory, and I won't have anymore. I won't spend the rest of my life, wondering who the man in my photographs is. Fielding questions from confused relatives, friends, and acquaintances when they ask me about my live-in boyfriend who acted as a father to my son. Maybe I'm not a people pleaser anymore, but I will not take a backseat to my own life. Now that I have his name, I am going to find my lost memories.

I need to find Dean Winchester.