Changes

Chapter one

Buzz.... Buzz....... Buzz..... Rory's phone vibrated under his pillow. He had been laying in the dark for hours. His migraine was crippling and the idea of looking at his phone made it worse. Rory was 14 and had chronic headaches. He also had a lot of other issues such as depression, anxiety, and a sleeping disorder. One of the things Rory struggled the most with was dysphoria. Rory was not biologically male. He was trans and very very closeted. He is also pansexual but a lot more open about that.

The only two people that really accepted him for who he was was his best friend and boyfriend. They were the only two he was really out to. Everyone else he had ever came out to didn't take him seriously or didn't care and kept ignoring his correct pronouns. Everyone was cool with him being pan, besides his family who he refused to tell. His mom was very open and even went to pride parades but his father was extremely homophobic and transphobic along with most of his family. He would come out to his mom but was afraid she'd trell his dad. Rory also didn't want his six year old brother knowing because he was afraid he'd like him less.

Rory pulled his phone out from under his pillow and swiped his screen. " Hello?" he said groggily.

" OMG RORY YOU'RE ALIVE" his best friend Cecilia screamed causing him to almost throw up.

"AGH stop yelling you're hurting me!"

" Oh no I'm so sorry. Migraine again? I was so worried that you were having another episode." Another thing about Rory was his depression caused horrible mood swings.

"Just a headache this time. No need to worry, B"

"I'll be there in less than thirty minutes."

"You really don't need to come over, I'm alright."

"Too bad." Cecilia hung up the phone before Rory could answer.

Twenty minutes later Cecilia came into Rory's room, a taller figure following her. " Of course you brought him" Rory giggled "You always bring him." The taller figure chuckled and crawled into bed on the right side of him while Cecilia sat on his left side. The boy on Rory's right was his boyfriend Ashen. He had dark skin and hair that was fairly short, curly, and was navy blue and dark purple in some places. He was 5'9 but was still eight inches taller than Rory and nine inches taller than Cecilia. Unlike Rory he was 16 and the oldest of the group. Cecilia was only 15 leaving Rory as the youngest. Cecilia and him had been best friends for four years. Ashen joined the trio a year ago when he moved to their town but has only been with Rory for half the time.

Cecilia was very beautiful. She had long brown hair that matched her chestnut eyes. She had fair skin and freckles. She was short with a pixy build. She was a smol bean and almost everyone in their highschool liked her. She was extremely gorgeous and Rory was a bit jealous. His favorite feature of hers was her tiny little nose. Cecilia was also extremely smart. She had a 4.0, was in advanced english, double advanced math, and AP chemistry. She was very mature for her age and almost almost everyone's parents compared them to her. She wasn't very popular due to how much of a goody goody she was and her very bad social anxiety and depression.

Ashen handed Rory a pill, which he was assumed was excedrin migraine, and Cecilia handed him his favorite coffee from caribou (mint condition). Rory took the pill and sat in silence with his friends until his head didn't hurt so bad. As soon as his head felt better they started playing their favorite show, Liv and Maddie. Rory curled up and fell asleep halfway through the second episode they started. When he woke up he was being spooned by Ashen but Cecilia was gone. He assumed she left for work and turned over so he was facing Ashen, burying his face in his chest. Ashen squeezed him, pulling him closer as they both fell back asleep.

Rory woke up to a kiss on his forehead. Ashen pulled him on top of him kissing Rory softly. " Had a nice nap babe?" Rory asked smiling.

" The best, baby boy" he said with a smirk knowing Rory loved to be called baby boy.

"Good! How long did we even sleep for?"

"Four hours I believe."

" Oh wow no wonder I'm so hungry!"

"To the kitchen!" Ashen slid Rory off of him and stood up waiting at the edge of the bed with his back towards Rory. He jumped onto Ashen's back and he gave him a piggyback ride to the kitchen. Rory's parents often left him home alone for the weekend. This weekend his family went up to a cabin with some friends but there "wasn't enough room" for him so they left him home. Normally Ashen and Cecilia came over and spent the weekend with him. Ashen lived with his aunt for some reason Rory didn't know because he didn't like talking about it. Cecilia was one of eight children and her parents were alcoholics so they didn't normally notice when she spent the weekend with Rory. The trio worked so well because they all had depression, anxiety, and not very good home lives.

It suddenly hit Rory that he wasn't hungry. He snuck back downstairs when Ashen was looking for something to eat in the fridge. He ran into his bathroom and locked the door. Self hatred took over his body as he started to sob. What was his problem? He had no idea why he was so sad. All he knew was he hated himself. He pounded his hands on the floor till they were bruised and he couldn't stand the pain of hitting them over and over. He layed down on the floor in fetal position wondering if he'd ever be okay. Rory grabbed at his chest, digging his nails into his skin. His chest made him the most dysphoric and he wished more than anything that he was never born.

Rory reached up to the left drawer of the bathroom counter and pull out a pair of magenta scissors. He moved the scissors to his thighs and began tracing lines. He knew if he actually cut Cecilia and Ashen would notice so he traced only hard enough to make red lines that would be gone in ten minutes. After both of his thighs were marked up he moved the scissors to his throat and just sat there. He was such a fuck up. He couldn't do anything right. The fact that he had any friends or even a boyfriend amazed him. They probably laughed at him behind his back.

"What can I say except you're welcome..... for the tides, the sun, the sky..... hey, it's okay, it's okay.... you're welcome..... I'm just an ordinary demi-guy" Ashen sang in his deep voice catching Rory's attention. He sang the whole Moana soundtrack as Rory sat and cried on his bathroom floor. After he sang all the songs he sat out in the hall playing games on his phone. He knew Rory wouldn't talk or come out and he respected that. He never quite understood his episodes and got frustrated that he couldn't help but he tried his hardest to still be there for him. He wasn't sure exactly about his feelings towards Rory but he knew he enjoyed the six months that they were together.

Cecelia came back thirty minutes later with pizza (she worked at dominoes). Rory unlocked the door letting only her and the pizza in. It was his favorite, a pan pizza with mushrooms and black olives. Cecilia sat down next to him and they ate together in silence. When they were done Cecilia stood up and opened the door. Ashen was sitting outside of the door eating his own pizza. "About time" he chuckled. Rory lifted his arms up signaling for him to pick him up. He did and carried him upstairs. The trio watched adventure time together, fangirling over the Marceline and princess Bubblegum ship.

Rory waited for the two to fall asleep on the couch before he snuck out. He walked down the street with Falling in Reverse blasting in his earbuds. He walked to a gas station not too far for his house and bought a bag of gummy bears. He then walked to a forest, where he spent ten minutes walking through until he found his favorite tree. Rory climbed up to the top and just sat listening to his music and eating gummy bears. He did this almost nightly because it gave him a quiet place to think and the fresh air calmed him down. Tonight he didn't feel like going home. He wasn't tired and he knew if he went home he'd just wake up the others.

Rory decided it was time to go home at 8:30. He had spent hours in that tree just sitting and thinking. He stopped back in the gas station to buy three coffees before going home. As he walked in the other two were waiting on the couch. " WHERE WERE YOU?!" screamed Cecilia

" I went out to buy coffee."

" At two a.m.? Ro don't lie to me. I got up to pee and you weren't here." Ashen said in an oddly calm voice and Rory could tell he was mad. He knew he had to make up some excuse but started panicking instead. He stood there shaking, holding the coffees, the two others just stared at him.