Today has been low. I really don't know how to explain my thoughts without sounding like a broke record. I'm 21 years old. I have my own place. I love with my boyfriend of 3 years and my two kittens. Reptar and Susie. Yea like the rugrats. Then I have a hamster named Theodore. I couldn't name my kitty Theodore because she's a girl and people were making fun of it.
But yea my job sucks and I make enough to pay bills. My boyfriend makes more and deals with rent and has money left over. Well today we had a disagreement.
Trying to explain somthing in a way without arguing is somthing very hard for my to do. I argue over everything. The issue with this is when he gets into a mood , he stays in his mood and gets moody. For me I get frustrated because I do my best to talk to him and he shuts off. Today i have learned that I just need to walk away. I need time to breath or we fight.
My second issue with my life is that I always think I'm losing myself. Losing him losing my mind all of it. I'm afraid to lose him and that's selfish if he doesn't want me or doesn't love me anymore he would tell me because again he is blunt like hell. But I fear it I left my safe place to be with him and I can't turn back I don't have anyone to turn back too. And I feel like if your path allows you to go back to what was. Then is it really moving forward or growing toward your future.
I try my best to be whay I can.
On another note.
Idk how to feel anymore. I want to scream and yell and cry but I keep holding it down to ignore it and move on. I want to tell him how angry I am and how sad I am and I can't because I don't want to repeat myself anymore.
