Chapter 1

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Present

My words come out jagged, and short even to my eyes. Though, while I stumble over writing the rest, my handwriting seems to flow so easily when it comes to his name. Lake. Lake. It hurts to think about him, like a brain freeze, but the ache of my heart at the sight of his face is almost beautiful. It reminds me that you can feel so much, without having to feel anything at all.

I stopped writing. I shook my head to clear my thoughts. It was only a few months ago, why I treated it like it were years ago was mystery to me. I looked around my new house, with the unpacked boxes, and empty fridge, the only thing that looked familiar to me was my tarnished spiral bound notebook. I was used to a new house, new setting, that's not what through me. What did confuse me, however, was that I actually minded being here; I didn't want to be here. I was used to moving, I was used to blocking out nostalgia, but my barriers have already broken and there's no going back anymore.

Lake would've told me that's a good thing. He would've said: "Parker, nothing's ever really gone. Gone is a word not a feeling. You won't FEEL gone if you remember that." And all this time I thought I wasn't feeling he made me realize I was, even if I didn't know it... At the time I shook my head and laughed pushing him off of me, for I didn't know any better. I know better now. Why did I let myself leave? Why did I push him away for so long?

To avoid this feeling. A voice in my head said. I wanted to slap that voice for being right.

I looked down at my notebook, my eye suddenly catching the note that lake had written me during class: "Meet me in the park?" I hadn't wanted to, I remember that, but i don't understand why I hadn't. That meeting in the park had turned out to be one of the happiest days of my life, because it was REAL happy. I hadn't tried to act nonchalant or had to fake a smile, everything just happened. He had given me his coat and we had walked across the golden gate... I suddenly felt the urge to write about that day in order to capture it before the words slipped away. It was all so vivid in my mind now but would it be in 20 years? I knew the answer but decided to let my heart have some satisfaction.

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The Beginning

The hallways were crowded, smelling of colognes, perfume, and anxiety about not studying for a test. I knew this stench well because it was the same at every school, with every adolescent, at every town. People were always hating change, because they think everywhere is different. It's not; I know it's not. It's the same old song and dance every first day of school. Get shoved in to a locker, spill your books, fumble with your locker combo...repeat. Wait, rewind...now repeat. I sighed as I observed that this school seemed especially rowdy and stress inducing. 'Don't worry, Parker, you'll only be here for--what?--two months?' I thought, almost bitterly. But I pushed it down. Just don't feel and you can get through this...(terrible, I know, but the only way to get through this.).

"Umph!" I let out a slight yelp of surprise, but then realized this was just selection two of the "first day of school playlist". I fell to the ground trying to catch my falling books, as well as cell phone, that had slid across the slick hallway floor. The stranger I had ran in to was now also on his knees helping me gather my things. "I'm so sorry." He was saying, "my bad. I didn't see where I was going I didn't..." The boy trailed off due to the pen stuck between his teeth. He had floppy, fly away blonde hair and a slightly crooked smile on his face as he offered me a hand up. I stood up and brushed myself off, ignoring him. "Well, be a little more careful next time or it'll be your books on the ground." I said, defensively, but when he handed me my schedule I made amends. "I mean...err...thanks."

"Are you new?" The boy said and glanced at my schedule. "I have English with you. First period I could show you where to go--"

"That's ok." I cut him off hurriedly. "I'll be fine." And I started to walk away.

"No really. Let me help. I know this place like the back of my hand." The boy raced after me and dodged a few football players on the way.

"I'm Lake by the way." He held out his hand, and yet again I ignored it.

"I'll be fine." I said again and dashed off. I didn't need his help I could find Mr. Raid's classroom by myself. Room 222. Crud. I looked up it must've been on the otherwise of school. I glanced back at the boy, who was now walking with his hands in his pockets, going the other direction. He must know a short cut. I didn't need his short cut...I didn't, really... I threw my hands up in the air and decided to risk a little of my dignity and pride by following him. I wouldn't be here that long, anyway.

I stayed behind Lake but still close enough to keep up with him. There seemed to be millions of turns in this school, because it appeared to take about 10 minutes just to reach the door. I took a few steps back to let Lake walk in first, so it didn't seem like I were a creepy dependent stalker. I hung out side for a bit just to make sure I was safe, until I glanced down at my clock and found it was a minute until the bell rang and that was the perfect time for the new girl to make her entrance.

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⏰ Last updated: Jul 17, 2014 ⏰

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