The Secret Gift of Manic-Depression

Loving Yourself Beyond Measure

It has always been a mystery to me, how people can just be unnaturally happy and optimistic at all times, no matter what is going on around them. These people (which I am not meaning to demean or decimate their innate sense of positivity) that go around this way bring a certain amount of joy to those that happen to cross their path; they are, in my opinion, a gift from the Creator. People like me who, if you have seen my videos you already know I am a perfectionist and my own worst enemy, must have things a certain way, must have a certain mindset to be able to go out and face the day, must try and work around the morning mood that can easily stay with you all day and cause problems.

Manic-Depression, or Bipolar Disorder as it is called now (I will refer to it mostly as Manic-Depression throughout this writing session as I find that it better describes the symptoms and illness itself by name alone and does not have the stigma of Bipolar Disorder when people hear it) on estimate there are about 5.7 million people suffering with this in one form or another, that makes up 2.6% of the population. Most people allow the stigma to bring them down, since when other hear that word they simply ASSUME that it's just a mood disorder where you're moody (which is not the case at all). But, if this is the case, why then would I call Manic-Depression a gift? It sounds like people are really effected negatively from this, right? Wrong. See, most people I have talked to that suffer with this, acknowledge that it boosts their creativity and appreciation for life itself: similar to how one with Asperger's Syndrome might have difficulty in social situations but can memorize things and have a photographic memory. The same principle applies here. It graces us with a certain set of skills that are unique to our personalities, desires, loves, and passions.

This must sound like bat-shit-ball-to-wall lunacy, but stay with me here. Manic-Depression has two poles of emotion (or mood); these two being Mania (the high, elevated mood), and Depression (the low, lethargic mood). This is where we get the new term Bipolar, but I feel it has too much of a stigma attached to it. Let me explain a little about these two moods, you may already know but this is a first-hand account that I have lived. When I was in a state of full blown Mania, I was convinced that the One True God, Ahura Mazda (Zoroastrianism) was appearing to me that I was to rewrite the ancient text and bring back the wonderful Babylon with Ahura Mazda as the primary god. Absolutely insane, right? I hallucinated that people in ancient robes were walking around my house: basically my brain was on overload and couldn't make sense of what was going on and due to the grandeur of them, my brain could not tell what was real and what was fantasy.

Now, Depression is somewhat different. Usually after the crash of a Manic episode, one goes right into a major depressive hole and stay there for weeks. In this time one reflects about all they did during their manic period, who they hurt, etc... which causes the depression to worsen. It is a vicious cycle that goes on and on without ceasing. But why on earth would I call all of this a gift? Well, I'm glad you asked, Friend!

I consider this "Diagnosis" to be a blessing in disguise. When you can learn to handle these moods a little better you can stop yourself from going full manic and using that Hypomania to do things. In my case, I will use it to write down things, or play piano, etc... I eventually crash over it and get depressed for a few weeks, but I don't let myself get to rock bottom: I cling to that middle rope. By doing this, though I am depressed at this point, it gives me time to sit and enjoy the stillness of life. Amid all the noise and haste, solitude can offer up the greatest life lessons of all, I have found. By doing this and being in control, I can allow myself certain grasps on reality that most others never would dream to think of. I sit and ponder the mysteries of the universe, I question my religion, my faith, the God I grew up (and still do to a degree) believing in, etc... I have been known to map out the astronomy in the skies, or sit and do physics about the stars. It's crazy: but it allows me to better understand my world and surroundings because I have an analytical mind.

If one can learn how to use the disorder to their advantage instead of letting the stigma of those words control their lives, how much happier they would be! This hidden blessing wrapped up in the wrap of a curse, truly can change lives. It is my sincere hope that those who read this, should they be Manic-Depressed, that they will have a way to reach out to me or talk to me, or just anyone about these ideas that I have. I am of the opinion that if I did not have Manic-Depression, I wouldn't be where I am today with so many varied interests in so many fields of study. By learning how to utilize the "illness" to my advantage, I was able to take away the stigma of "illness" and replaced it instead with good things: it doesn't even come up in conversation anymore.

I absolutely believe that it is a blessing in disguise, because I have seen a lot of mental dysfunctions, some of which I don't understand: but when it comes to the Bipolar, the Manic-Depressed, listen to your heart and mind, figure out a little about yourself and find out what it is that you want and strive towards it. That happiness will keep you out of rock bottom, and don't let yourself get hypomanic with great frequency, because it's bad on your organs. But, I beg those who have ANY kind of mental disease: now you've read this, now is the time to change an outlook; it's time to hold your head up high and own it. It's time for a change, and only you can do that. So, I beg that you begin to look within yourself and find something you can fixate on that won't ruin your life now. Strive towards a higher goal, one step at a time; that way when you get there, to the position of "I've made it," not only have you made it indeed, but you can look back fondly on the road that brought you where you needed to be." Try to live at peace with everyone, there's no reason for hate or shade. Live and let alone, love generously, give with a thankful heart, and most importantly: be kind whenever it is possible.

-Doc Caiaphas