"Heartbroken and Lonely"

"Securely Insecure"

I can't articulate,

Feeling this hate.

Loneliness inside,

Makes me want to hide.

I can feel my thoughts forlorn,

Turning at the world in scorn.

Helpless to stop the change,

My own body feeling strange.

I steel myself against the feelings,

So they no longer leave me reeling.

Can't find a common ground,

In myself I've become bound.

But I don't want to escape,

This loneliness that I have shaped.

My head keeps spinning around,

Then I hear that fateful sound.

The sound of my heart breaking,

Every moment I am waking.

Can't stop my resolve from shaking,

In this hell that I am making.

I claw and scratch from the depths,

Can't seem to get any rest.

Can't seem to flee my own design,

My will to live becomes benign.

Everyday monotony,

My soul's cold philosophy.

A dangerous monopoly,

Takes the greatest part of me.

An endless repeating loop,

Don't see how I can recoup.

All this callous thinking in my mind,

Leaves me feeling left behind.

Can't seem to win in life's game,

My eternal loving shame.

Experiences feel the same,

Like I'm forever in the flames.

I wonder what I could be,

If I'd pull the curtain back and see,

My last hope I can't pretend,

Is coming to it's bitter end.

Please don't fake your love,

It's like a mortar from above.

Killing me slowly over time,

Can't seem to end this steel decline.

I can't change what's in my heart,

It's sad because I never had a start.

Wish I could show my bitter misery,

Maybe then the world would see.

That I will never ever be free,

Of this repeating blasphemy.

Growing like a mutant tree,

So fast that I could never flee.

Corrupting me,

to insecurity.