Disillusioned: Poetry Collection

Insomnia

Idle, breathless, endless thinking, continuous feeling,
Meditating, hesitating, regretting, fading,
Wishing hopelessly, wanting impossible dreams,
Listening to,
Recurring screams,
Scenery echoing, words reverberating, trapped in my head,
Half asleep, sense dim, consumed in,
Ideas and memories,
Repetitive fantasies, and pain, a whirlwind,
Of shame of guilt of wounds of tears,
And of hopelessness, paralyzed acceptance,
An uncertain fate, lacking a cure, confusion reigning,
Breaking shaking, feeling so unsure, turmoil of emotions,
I hate you, love you, miss you,
Don't.
Fear, not faith at all, here I go again,
I fall, I fall, I fall.
I'm not myself, stuck where I don't want to be,
Blinded and longing to see, hopeless with a hope,
I fight.
Screaming, lost in the light, I want back my sight,
Inequittable circumstances, resting on my shoulders,
Heavy guilt, heavy eyelids, your eyes,
You.
Sum up my confusion, stuck in this illusion,
Dissolving somewhere inbetween, reality and dreams,
This memory patiently waits, to be revived,
The wound refuses to scar, haunted relentlessly,
By my insatiable weakness.
The moment persists in my memory,
For all eternity, wishing it wouldn't,
Knowing I couldn't, restless chaos in my weary state,
Death, and life.
I go numb.
Sleeplessly waiting for morning to come...

--- Author's Note ---

Written a long long time ago (high school) when I was going through a rather tough and confusing time.