A Hundred Times Over [Brian May x Reader One-Shots]

A Notte Stellata

[Warning: There are parts about death, hints of the suicidal kind, and depression. Although subtle, please proceed with caution. ]

[Author's Note: This idea came to me - what if the reader had to take care of Brian during the days of his depression? And somehow, that thought, that very idea led me to write this. I recommend that you listen to "You Are The Reason" while reading this to have the ultimate reading experience.]

"Bri?"

No answer.

"Brian?"

No answer.

"Brian Harold May, you better open the door this instant, or else I will knock this door down from its hinges."

Still no answer - there's only the sound of shower water hitting the tiles - coming from inside.

You knocked on the door, desperate for an answer, but Brian didn't say a word. Panic coursed through your system as your brain pored over the worst possible scenarios that could ever occur on the other side of the door.

What if Brian tried to electrocute himself in the shower?

What if Brian looped his neck around the shower hose?

What if -

"No," you say in contradiction, "he wouldn't do such a thing."

The words came out of your mouth as a form of self-reassurance, but no - you cannot believe those words anymore. In the past few months, Brian already let go of hope. It broke your heart to see your best friend waste away. You've been with him ever since the beginning and loved him from afar.

He has always been that Brian - your best friend Brian. You knew him before the rise of Queen to stardom and you've lost him many times. At first, you lost him to fame. Second, to his wife, and now, you're losing him again - you're losing him to depression.

Your heart is pounding against your ribcage as you rummaged into the drawers for keys to the bathroom. Suddenly, you feel as if you're running out of time, as if time is against you. Your hands pick up scraps of paper, broken guitar picks, pens, but never the keys.

"Goddamn it!" you mutter under your breath as you opened another drawer and rummaged into its contents. You kept your eyes on the wall until your hand wrapped around a key chain - and you didn't even bother looking at it.

You rushed to the bathroom, trying out each key. Your legs turned into jelly and your hands were shaking. It felt like an eternity, just trying to open the door. Key, after key, you went, shouting every now and then.

"Don't you do it - Brian Harold May!"

"Don't you ever, ever think, just one bit about death."

"You think you're alone..." you say, but you lose it. Tears start to roll down your face, thinking that you'll never open the door in time. Suddenly, at that moment, it occurred to you that it's so hard to be strong. It's so hard. So hard - but you continue.

You lodged the final key into the keyhole and the doorknob turned around. In your panic, in your fear, you fell into the cold tile of the bathroom floor. The sound of the shower water rushed through your ears and you looked towards the shower.

There he was.

He was sitting on the shower floor, fully-clothed, letting the shower water rain down on him. His head stuck to his knees.

"Brian?"

You slowly walked towards him and opened the shower door. You could feel your heart breaking into a million pieces as you crouched down to his level. Sensing your presence, he looked up.

"Oh, Brian," you say, as you take him into your arms, holding him tight. He froze at your touch, but he buried his face into the crook of your neck and hugged you tighter to him.

The water was cold and your clothes stuck to the skin. But it didn't matter. You pulled away and caressed his face, looking deep into those eyes of his.

"Don't you ever scare me like that. Don't you know how afraid I was? I was so worried I'll have to lose you again. I've lost you so many times already Brian, please don't do this to me."

"I can't lose you again," you say, hugging him.

And in that moment, he started to shake, he started to cry into your neck. He held you so tight, you thought that he would crush you.

"I'm here."

You both sat there for a moment hugging, the shower water running over both of you. It was cold. It was damp. But you sat there beside him and he didn't speak for a few minutes.

"You won't lose me," he finally said, finding his voice. He took you by surprise when he laced his fingers with yours.

"But - promise me something?"

"What is it?"

He pulled you closer to him, his face was just inches from yours. You could feel the ghost of his lips upon your own. He looked down at them for a second, his gaze lingering at your lips, before looking into your eyes again.

" - That I won't lose you."

He didn't wait for a reply before he pressed his lips against yours. He tasted of alcohol and chocolates - intoxicating you more than ever. His lips moved in sync with yours and he didn't want to end it, but you both needed to breathe.

Both of you pulled away at the same moment, and he finally smiled. He smiled. He smiled.

You were crying upon seeing him smile - it has been awhile since you last saw it. He lost his marriage. He lost Freddie.

And he lost his smile too, but before you could bask in the moment, he hugged you tight.

Just outside the open door, you could see the starry night outside.

A Notte Stellata.

You smiled and closed your eyes, hugging him back. Somehow at that moment, you knew that you can't bring the old Brian back, but you'll try your best to be strong for him.