It was dark out, but I didn't care, I needed to get out of the house before I lost my mind. I knew where I needed to go, so I grabbed my bike and paddled as fast as my feet could go. I placed my shoes in the sand and stare ahead of me. This was my safe place, I knew nobody else would be here, to watch me cry, or to hear me scream, to let all this range out that has formed in me these past few months.
I let myself sit in front of the water, knowing it would soothe me, as it slowing touches my legs. I allowed the cold air to hit my face, thinking it will calm the heat around it.
I cruse out loud for allowing myself to get this bad, I thought as the days go by, I'll get better. "Go with the flow." Yeah, fuck that. I accept the fact that I'm crying, so I let the tears go down my face. It was an everyday routine for me to cry. Sitting there, trying to calm my breathing and collecting my thoughts, so I could go back to that place I'm supposed to call home. I call it hell.
I wipe my tears and put on my shoes. As I was riding my bike, I was thinking of the possibility that my mom might still be up, and it's past midnight, not good, capital NOT. moving swiftly to the front door, I slowing place the key in the hole and turn it with ease. Open and run. Only one of those worked, open. My mom was staring at me while sitting on the couch she adored. I hated that couch. It was old and smelly.
"Where were you, Ali?" Mom said while observing me as if I was on something. I opened my mouth to say the first thing that popped into my head. "Needed some fresh air, so I just walked around the block."
I knew if I told her where I was she would look at me like I'm crazy.
But mostly because that was my place, she didn't need to know about it.
she wipes her face with her hands and looks at me tiredly. "Okay, go and get some sleep, tomorrows a big day for you." As if I needed a reminder, college.
I nodded and ran upstairs to my room. I threw on some shorts and an old
T-shirt my dad gave me before he left us, it was all I had left of him.
I got under the covers and stared at the ceiling, having endless thoughts of what could go wrong on my first day of college.
