Excerpts from The Book I'll Never Write

Pity

I was hurt.... I—WAS—HURT. Past tense.

Meaning I'm now in the process of recovery.

Recovering from the pain, misunderstandings,

and betrayal.

Do you understand how hard it is for me to do

that when you randomly decide to apologize for

all the things I'm trying to make right in my

heart? Why? you ask. Well it's quite simple.

The thought of losing you hurts so much that

I'd rather leave all my scars in the past if it

means being able to see your face; to hear your

voice.

Hearing you say the words I'd hoped you'd say 

three years ago carry a bittersweet taste.

What I once thought would come from a place

of love, ended up being derived from a feeling

of pity.

I don't want to hear your apologies because

you felt the need to make something right

within yourself!! I don't need your pity. It only

makes me feel worse...Don't you get that??

I hide my feelings so we don't have to talk

about the past. I'm still not over it. If I told you

I needed more time, something within me

wouldn't allow myself to be ok with that. What

I needed was you. Now I'm not so sure.

Pathetic. I know. But my faults are for a

different story.