For the first time she was happy again.
For the first time after months she felt something again.
She smiled again after months of feeling numbness.
Full of happiness she danced through her living room. She knew how to laugh again.
With one glance through the window she wanted to go outside.
She wanted to have adventures.
She wanted to meet her friends again.
To laugh with them.
To gossip with them.
To dream with them.
As fast as she could she ran into her room to get her smartphone. She wanted to make something with them so bad. She missed them so much. Especially this one person.
Her fingers flew other the keyboard and as she sent the message. She had at least 10 spelling mistakes but that just were some beauty mistakes in her message of happiness. Full of impatience she sat in front of her smartphone. Full of excitement she started to move her leg up and down. A stupid habit that still kind off belonged to her. And then she finally saw it. The message that made her jump from excitement.
Happily she walked through the streets to the Coffee shop she got invited to. Her favourite coffee shop. She listened to music to which she whipped her head full of excitement and quietly sang along. Every now and then she got annoyed looks from strangers but she didn't cared. They all didn't know how it is after a long depression episode to be happy again. To have the feeling to belong to life again. And this time she promised herself with her whole heart, that she will never lose this feeling again. She feels more optimistic then ever. She could already see how she gets her dream job. How she does something with her friends at weekends.
Full of excitement she entered the Coffee shop. She just threw her headphones careless at her bag. In the end they would be a mess anyways. With a bright smile she went to the corner where her friends sat. The people that always made her laugh. The people she could share everything with. The people that always protected her. And with that people were this one person. This one wonderful person. The person she knew since elementary school. The one person she would die for. The one person that never betrayed her. And with never she meant never. Tears of happiness found their ways to her eyes.
She missed them so much. She only got that now. Slowly she went to the table.
She was greeted with screams full of happiness. That made her smile brighter - if that was even possible.
Happily she let herself fall on the chair. Her friends started to tell her everything that happened while she was gone. This stupid and childish story's that were filled with mischief and dumbness made her laugh. And the people around them didn't even know how lucky they were. They all heard her first real laughter after months. It was a beautiful and loud laugh filled with pure joy. But again, she only got annoyed glances. She didn't cared though. Nothing could destroy her luck in this moment. She sat with her most favourite people in the world on a table, drank tea and enjoyed herself. This day was absolutely perfect. Who would have thought that? That she would ever have a perfect day again after her second suicide attempt? At this moment she was just happy that it failed.
After two hours filled with chatter and much laughing they decided to go for a walk. Slowly they walked to the shopping center of the city. A little bit shopping won't harm someone. So they walked all together and told themselves one stupid story after another. A few heart attacks were included too, because they all lived after risk. They ran other streets even though the cars were already near. Dumb and naive, yes. But they were this kind of people. A few times the cars even hooped, but they didn't care. Everytime they were together they were in their own world without worries. It was like that then they were kids and it will always be like this. They didn't cared about the consequences - they only cared about the situation. Their now. So they listened to loud music at public and sang to it. People would think they are drunk, but no, they only had fun. At school people hated them because of that. Because they had fun. People called them childish and that they should already grow up, but they never knew why they should. Being an adult only steals your fun. It vanishes your happiness and creativity and replace it with a monster. And that's why they promised themselves to never grow up.
And now they were here, years after school and still the same. Nothing changed. And People still hated them. But why would they care as long as they were happy? That's why they hated the world and humans. They all tried to take their happiness away with work and responsibility. To enslave them. But they didn't let that happen so the system and the people around them hated them. Because they weren't one of their slaves.
The system brought her often to the ground.
Made her break down so often.
She gave up so much just because of it.
But she always came back up.
Why? She didn't know.
But she did it.
And now she were here, with her favourite people on the world and she broke out of the bird cage.
And she felt better then ever.
They walked from shop to shop. In every shop they made more mischief as in the one before, but what did you expected? That's how they were. They loved it to go to clothe shops and put on the most hideous things. They loved it to go into toy stores and play with the things there. They loved it because they could be themselves.
And she loved it because it kind of completed her. She loved it to make her friends laugh. It made her a warm feeling in her stomach region. And as she continued walking outside she looked at every animal and flower. She loved the nature. It was so beautiful, so full of wonder. She loved flowers because they were so beautiful. They gave her hope. She loved animals because they were beautiful creatures and to add up fluffy and cute.
And as she walked there, completely in her own world and admiring the nature she didn't realised a think around her. She just couldn't believe her luck. It could only get better. With her friends around and with her last hope - her best friend.
But never forget, it doesn't care how happy you are at the moment or how much luck you have, life doesn't care about that. It gets you always back. It steps back only to punch you harder in your face. There is nothing you can do about it. Life wants it like that. There isn't something like happiness or luck. There is only an illusion before the fall. Before the fall that brings you back to reality. The fall that gets you back to hell again.
What made me come back to reality?
Screams.
A car.
My best friend.
And a pool of blood.
