Until I Die

Chapter 2

The school day dragged on only making my anxiety worse. I would have to pop a pill every time my stomach started to give me the slightest sign of a panic attack. I got so annoyed with myself and all I wanted to do was go home.

The day finally ended and I could leave the hell hole they call school. I had my mom drop me off at the park I used to sit in and write about my fantasy worlds and talk about my imaginary friends with a random child I would find.

The park today was a little different. It was a lot more quiet and settling. But something about it wasn't quite right. I had this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I ignored it like usual and sat on the same bench I've been sitting on for the past ten years.

The feeling in my stomach progressed and I soon found myself on the edge of a panic attack. I realized this and walked nearest to the crowds of people playing just in case I passed out or anything. I tried to take a pill but it only rolled on the ground and a kid stepped on it.

My forehead began sweating and my stomach started hurting. I sat on the ground and played with a pebble I found to distract me. I looked around for a mom who could help me through it and saw someone who may. I walked up to her and explained the best I could between my panting and tears that were now forming.

"Ma'am... please... I- I'm having... a panic attack... help." she looked at me and I soon realized it was my old babysitter. She only stared at me though. Maybe it was to distract me or maybe it was to be rude. I continued to stand there with tears streaming down my face when all of a sudden I felt my mom's arms around my waist.

"Maddie, shh." I heard, "Maddie it's mom, let's go home."

I don't remember much from that panic attack but I'm just glad it's over.

When I arrived home, I was still a little delusional and out of it so my mom put me to bed. I just remember I slept until dinner time.

At dinner I sat with my younger brother, mom, and dad. My brother is a sophomore in high school this year. My mom was telling my dad and brother about the incident in the park today and I made sure to listen carefully.

"Maddie had a scary panic attack today in the park. Her old babysitter was there and remembered my number and called me. Maddie do you remember this?"

I thought for a second and shook my head, "No. Nothing."

My mom shrugged and cut her chicken and put a piece in her mouth. My dad rubbed my back and put his plate in the sink. On the way out, he kissed the top of my head.

My dad was always absent in my life until recently. He was an alcoholic and drugee until my brother started high school and that's when we told him he needed help- for the thousandth time. And for some odd reason he took the advice.

He's now been drug free for six months and he is slowly weaning off the alcohol. I think the main reason my depression started was because of him. I almost lost him at one point and to loose your dad is one of the worse things that could happen next to , of course, loosing your mom.