reasons (n.s.)

xv

I WALK AROUND the empty bunk area, consumed in my own thoughts about—you guessed it—Harry. There’s just something in me that’s stopping me from making me do everything I want with him. It’s just that I feel like if we do become a thing, emphasis on the if, it might ruin our friendship and the band’s relationship.

My mother always told me that if I end up falling in love with someone, to make sure that I love myself before I do, they. But even if I do fall for Harry in the future, I don’t think I can love him properly, because I can’t really say I love myself.

Yes, I accept my insecurities and imperfections, but something else is just stopping me from loving him. I guess it’s just not the right time? I seriously have no clue.

The boy I was having endless thoughts of interrupts my thoughts. “Hey,” I greet with a half-smile. “Hi,” he responds with a much more generous smile than the one I had just given him. 

“What were you thinking about?” he asks, running his fingers through my freshly washed hair. This makes my breath hitch in my throat. I gulp.

“N-Nothing.” I gulp once again.

“Are you sure?”

I nod.

“You know you can talk to me about anything right?” 

I nod.

He wraps his arms around my shoulders in a calm embrace. I can’t say we’re a couple, but we aren’t just friends either. We’re kind of more-than-friends-who-kiss-each-other-when-they’re-bored. Yeah.

“Ni?”

“Hm?”

“What do you want to do?”

“I want to drink something.” 

“Oh.”

We let go and I grab my newly purchased Eleanor & Park book. We go over to the play area where the mini fridge was placed. Harry grabs two cans of Red Bull and tosses one to me. I sit down on the bus sofa and place one of the cushions on my lap then place my book atop the cushion.

Sipping, I read the first chapter. 

After that, I read the next chapter.

Then the third chapter.

This goes on and on until I reach the seventh chapter and I stop because my eyes start hurting because of the moving bus and mainly because of the bad lighting in this room. 

I look at my surroundings and notice that the sun is just about to set. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to watch the sun set with the love of your life? I then look to my right and my breath hitches once again. The closest thing to the love of my life has fallen asleep. He must have been bored out of his mind because I was reading, which meant he couldn’t really play with any of the consoles. But he could have just left the room? 

I take this as my opportunity to look at him closely. I’ve never seen him look so beautiful before.. Has he been this beautiful? I’ve never noticed. Either way, he’s beautiful. His face is glowing with radiance, tiny freckles faintly speckling his nose and cheeks, his hair falling just above his eyes. He looks absolutely stunning.

I push his hair back and absent-mindedly run my fingers throughout his messy mop of curls. I kiss his forehead and turn around in the sofa to look at the sunset. It’s so beautiful. This moment is so beautiful. The way the sun dramatically falls into nowhere and is replaced by the equally as beautiful presence of the radiant moon.

I stare into space thinking about nothing in particular. I open the window just a bit to feel the fresh air engulf me as I close my eyes at how tranquil this feels. Everything I want is happening now. The sunset, the fresh air, Harry, and my life. My life has its ups and downs, yes, but you’re supposed to overlook the negative with the positive.

This is what I want in life; Peace and happiness. Thinking about how beautiful something or someone is makes me so joyful, and I don’t know why. It just makes me so happy to think how gorgeous something or someone can be. Harry is so beautiful. 

My breath hitches for the umpteenth time today as I come to the conclusion that what I’m feeling isn’t normal.

Shit.

***Unedited

Hello, everyone! It's been quite a long hiatus, don't you think? I'm quite happy I'm back on track. Also, thank you for answering my question about if I should continue this story or not. At first I got nervous with the results, thinking that I wouldn't know how to end this story, but my creative juices just start flowing when I start writing, and I can't say I'm happy about that, but I also can't say I don't like it.

This chapter has less dialogue and more of Niall's perspective of things, and I liked it. What do you think? Also, what do you think Niall's conclusion was?

-C .x