8 Months of Hell

(A Larry Stylinson Fanfic) Chapter 1. The First Cut Is The Deepest

This is my first ever story so please ignore my errors and I hope you enjoy. if you are triggered easily please don't read this story :) 

Chapter 1 - The First Cut Is The Deepest

Harry P.O.V

22nd July 2013

After football we (me, niall, liam and zayn) all went to Liam's for a movie night. Yes we we're all 16 year old lads but what's the harm in a movie night, it's not like any of us are gay?... I stumbled on my train of thoughts as I gulped and looked around at the other boyes. I knew I was gay ever since I could remember I just never had the courage to tell the boyes. We had been through thick and thin ever since we started secondary but my thoughts were stopped as the boyes laughed as Niall told some stupid joke. I remember last year when Zayn needed support about family issues and we we're all there so I thought what would be the harm? It surely would breeze past them and they'd understand. It's 2013 who cares about who's gay or not? I thought as I quickly finished my slice of pepperoni pizza.

I cut the conversation like a knife and nervously belted "Boyes, I'm gay, I've been wanting to say for a while and think I'm finally comfortable with it"

There was a deadly silence and then they all burst into laughter as if I just farted or something. Do they think I'm joking or something, why would I joke about that I mean it's pretty clear I am. I never miss an episode of "Will and Grace" and I love The Saturdays and Lady Gaga and not cos of their looks, because of everything else. The laughter died and the silent awkwardness continued until Niall yelped "you're not joking..are you"

"no, is it a problem like" I dangerously said, awkwardly chuckling as Liam cut me off.

"get the fuck out of my room you dirty fag" he splurted as if instead of farting, I had popped all over his carpet and made him eat it. I trembled, shocked. Was he joking now? was this all a joke? what was happening?

"You heard me queer, get out before my dad gets home" he shouted, spitting in my face. I got up and ran as fast I could as he practically pushed me out of his home, nearly falling on his patio. Zayn and Niall didn't utter a word as he screamed at me which only made me more sure they agreed with him. My house was only 20 minutes away and I knew if I gave them time to adjsut maybe they'd understand, they must do! they're my best friends!

As I was making my way home they bombarded me with continous texts like "you belong in hell, fag" and "get ran over on the way home and do us all a favour".I was clearly wrong about them adjusting. I always thought they were nice guys, not homophobic or anything but once I got home I realized what they had posted online. Only my deepest and darkest secret on Facebook for the world to see ... "Guess what...Harry Styles is gay everyone...not like it's a suprise" read on the screen and it had only been up 15 Minutes!! Tears filled my eyes and I broke down in the centre of my room, still looking lifeless at my laptop screen.

Tears contintued to flood my face as Zayns status gained a whopping 218 Likes. Over 200 people (mainly from my secondary) had liked it in less than 20 minutes and many more must have seen it but not liked it just in case of getting caught. Hateful comments much like the annoying texts continued and people who I thought were friends at the very least told me to die, told me I was worthless and that I was wrong. That was the night, the first night I tried to cut myself. 

I know it was foolish of me but my mum didn't acknoweldge me much anyway and it's not like the rest of my family were around too much with Dad leaving when I was younger and my sister still at university. Mum worked night shifts so often left at 6pm to come home at 6am and then slept through the day. She and I got on but they was never a solid connection after Dad left. She never told me why he left or what he had done or why he wasn't coming back and that, that killed me. Knowing that my mother, the person who is supposed to love you no matter what couldn't even bother to explain in 5 minutes why my Dad left. The curiousity destoryed me over time and the more I thought about it, the more hatred I developed for mum. Gemma says he was a horrible man but it's been 9 years now and there isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about him or why he left or even more why my mum never told me!