Jellybean Jones

Chapter 20: You're Not Alone

Jellybean POV
Me, being me, instantly assumed that that would be Ryan. I got up and went to my room. Jughead understood. I shut my door and leaned against it. I looked at the text again, it couldn't possibly be him at the door. I knew that, but my anxiety didn't seem to. I tried to take a steadying breathe, I didn't feel like a breakdown at the moment. Not that I had a choice.

I clenched and unclenched my hands. I managed to get to my bed. I sat there and once again, I was scared. I wanted to be fine, but right now, I don't think I am. I tried hard to be fine, I tried so hard, but that didn't seem to make a difference. Unfortunately, I knew that it didn't matter how hard I tried, I would never truly be what I considered 'fine' and that was the truth.

Jughead POV
It had been Archie at the door. He hadn't stayed long, he had just forgotten to give me a book I had lent him for school. Jellybean had went to her room, I knew what she had been thinking, but that just wasn't possible. I walked to her room and knocked on the door. "Jellybean?" I asked. "N-not right now." She answered. I would've checked on her, but she sounded fine.

"It was just Archie." I explained and walked into my room. I knew my little sister and I knew she didn't really want to be alone, but I did as she asked anyways. Sighing, I grabbed my laptop and tried to write something, but I couldn't. I had no ideas. Instead, I grabbed my phone and texted Betty. How's it going? I typed. I waited for a response for ten minutes. When one didn't come, I decided she was busy and tried to think of a way to waste time.

Jellybean POV
I had managed to say "Not right now." In a semi-normal voice before I couldn't take it anymore. I pulled my knees to my chest and silently sobbed. I couldn't control it. I tried to fight it, but I couldn't calm myself down. I used to be able to, but this hasn't happened in so long that I guess I can't anymore. I didn't want Jughead to have to deal with me doing this. Of course I wanted him to be here right now, but I had said I didn't.

I stayed that way for what must've been an hour. Finally, I managed to get a hold on myself. I looked in my mirror. I was a mess. I wiped my face off on my sleeve and brushed my now messed up hair. I always looked this way after an anxiety attack, I knew that, but most people can't tell. Jughead isn't most people, he would know at once. So, I stayed in my room for ten minutes trying to calm myself down even more.

I had ended up putting in my earbuds and listening to Pink Floyd loudly. I always did this when I needed a break, it wasn't a great habit, but it worked. After deciding I looked alright I went to Jughead's room. "Hey." He said, motioning for me to come in. "Hi." I said, sitting on his bed. "You alright?" He asked, coming to sit with me. "Yeah." I answered, but we both knew that that wasn't the truth.

Jughead POV
My sister had just had an anxiety attack and no matter how hard she tried to hide it, I could tell. I could always tell. "What do you want to do?" I asked her softly. She shrugged. "Not sure." It was then that I knew she knew I could tell. "How bad was it?" I asked, I knew she would answer. "I've had worse." She explained looking down. "But it was pretty bad I guess." She added, looking down.

"Why did you want to have to go through it alone?" I questioned curiously. Jellybean shook her head. "Please tell me, you know it will be better if you do." She took a slow breathe. "I know." She said. "It's just I-I used to be able to get through them on my own. Now I can't. I don't like that I can't and one hasn't happened in so long it's like, I don't know, I forgot how to. Also, I didn't want you to have to deal with me." She finished and leaned against me. I was speechless.

Jellybean POV
Jughead didn't respond for at least three minutes. "Jellybean," He began. "I know you might think otherwise, but I want to comfort you when you're going through things like that. I know you don't want to be alone, but you just have got accept that I love you and don't like seeing you like this." He paused here. "And quite frankly, it doesn't matter that you used to be able to get through them alone. Now, you don't have to. You don't have to do this alone." He said, wrapping his arm protectively around me.

We sat there for a while, I'm not sure how long. Eventually, I guess I fell asleep, because when it was morning, I woke up in my bed. I got up slowly and got dressed in dark blue jeans, a white t-shirt and threw on a black and red flannel. I brushed my long, black hair and packed my bag. Dad and Jughead were in the living room. "Morning." I said dully and grabbed a muffin.

"Good morning." Dad said, standing up. "I'll be home tonight if you guys want to do something." He added. "Okay." I answered. "Jellybean we've gotta get going." I heard Jughead say. I nodded. "Bye Dad." I said hugging him. "Bye guys." He answered. I headed out the door with Jughead. "You told him, didn't you?" I asked as soon as the door was shut. "I didn't." He answered.

"What did you say then? He knew something was up." I asked, relieved. "I just told him you got that text and were pretty upset about it." He explained. "Kay thanks." I said, I was still pretty upset unfortunately. "And thank you for yesterday, Jug." I added. "Of course Jellybean. Are you doing alright?" He asked concernedly. I shrugged. "I guess so." And that was almost the truth.

Jughead POV
I could tell she was still upset and I felt bad for her. "Will you be alright to go to school?" I asked, not wanting her to have a bad day. "I'll be fine." Her voice was distance. We reached the middle school. "Bye Jellybean." I said, rubbing her shoulder. She wrapped her arms around me. "Bye Juggy." She answered and walked away. I walked to school, but I couldn't take me mind off my little sister. She was very sad.

My thoughts were interrupted by Betty. "Hi Juggy!" She called, walking over. "Hi Betty." I answered. "What's the matter?" She asked, noticing my quietness. "Jellybean's pretty upset." I said quietly. "Oh Jug, I'm sorry." She said, looking down. "We should be getting to class." I said, checking the time. "Jughead, we have ten minutes, you're just trying to change the subject." Betty rationalized.

"You know me so well." I said, a small smile appearing on my lips. "I know I do." She said, returning the smile. I leaned down and kissed her. "Love you Betts." I remarked, grabbing her hand. "Love you too." She said. For a small moment, my mind was taken off my little sister, but I loved her too much to forget that she was sad. It was my love for Betty, however, that gave me a small moment of relief.