Painting Life

F i f t e e n

This chapter's a little rusty but whatever. Thanks for reading! :D And vote, comment and fan if you like it. If you find something wrong in it, then tell me nicely. No pointing out spelling/grammar mistakes. Thanks.

~Rida <3

<< And it was sad to see all the familiarity crumble to the ground >> 

Fifteen | Didn't Deserve It.

H a r i s: 

They say life is a circle, but really it couldn't be less of a circle. Because, some one, somewhere, is changing and taking the rebellious route away from the familiar circle. Maybe I could count as one of those person. Or maybe it was more, Daniya, than me, because she had confessed. 

I was rather confused. I had always thought that she hated me because I had stolen her place as the sole child. I had taken away some of the familiarity of her life and brought about a big change, where her insecure mind could think of thousand what ifs and what whens. 

Sometimes when you drink your tea, you realize that you have added salt instead of sugar. I always though I was the salt - the accidental sour taste to her tea. 

But by her confession, it was clear that I wasn't really the salt. I was the sugar. And it made me feel sick - like you'd feel when you smell rotten meat - that I couldn't return her with a positive answer. 

I didn't love her. Love was something I'd locked deep inside for that special someone who'd come along and blow me off my feet but it wasn't Daniya. 

I had hurt her and I could imagine how bad it felt; the disappointment, the raw feeling that eats you up until you can't take it anymore and do something reckless - like write on the walls or paint your room a rich orange colour.

The ridiculous thing was, I was furious at myself for rejecting her because it was something that she'd faced so much in the past years that I wondered, sometimes, how she was still standing on her feet. She was not invincible but she certainly was strong if she had lived nineteen years without once complaining about it to anyone. 

And that was perfectly admirable; her strength, her beauty, her own, unique ways, but the thing was, I couldn't bring myself to love her. No matter how long I had spent, thinking on the topic, pondering over and over, pushing myself to bring out some feeling but there was none except a friendly one. 

I had tried. I really had. But there were no pillars for the building and everytime I reached the top, it was toppled away by a harsh gale. 

I sighed. 

If I couldn't love her, it meant that there would be no happily-ever-after for the two of us. I was no prince and she was no princess. She was in love but I wasn't. And that would ruin the little bit of our relationship as well. 

Sadly, I realized that our relationship never did stand like it was supposed to. We never reached the point of trust, friendship and comfort. There was always this barrier between us. 

At first, it was envy. And now, it was unrequited love. Oh, how ironic life was. 

Unable to hold in all my feelings in my chest, I called Omar, the first person I could think of. Aunty Tahira was out of question. I didn't want to destroy a family.

"Man, what do you want? It's two A.M. in the night, if you haven't noticed," Omar answered the phone groggily, sounding mildly irritated but I could sense the worry in his voice.