snail mail to australia // a.i

chapter six

Shit. It seems as if I had mastered the art of messing up, for at that moment I was absolutely certain everything was ruined.

“Lauren, I uh…” Ashton stammered, and at the time, I believed there was a certainty that the words to follow would be heartbreaking. So, I did what I did best, I hid- like a coward. I hung up the phone, tossing it onto my bed, and running outside. Soon enough, my feet were running as fast as the tears streaming down my face, and I found myself at the place I had found serenity many times before. It was a wide and sturdy oak tree, with branches and leaves that seemed infinite. As a kid, the tree seemed as if its last branch touched the moon, and that the width of its branches went on for miles. My first visit to the big oak tree was completely unintentional, as I was running from the loud screams of my house. For an eight year old, wandering around after hearing your parents scream their lungs out was quite terrifying, and stumbling upon it had made an innocent mind feel wise and tranquil, similar to the oak’s rings.

I felt a cold breeze as I climbed up to the fourth-highest branch. I inhaled, the scent of pine not too far in the distance. My coat was buttoned from my neck to my waist, and my mitts were tucked deep into my pockets. Why did I have to be so stupid? You might have just ruined everything AGAIN Lauren, good job. My thoughts were once again interrupted as I heard another branch rustle.

“Psst! Hey, Lauren!” I was startled by a deep voice, smiling to myself as a recognized whose it belonged to quickly.

“Hey.” I turned my head, now fully facing Luke.

“Are you alright?” he asks, a small frown on his face. Of course I’m not.

“Yeah, I’m great!” I smile, letting out a small laugh. He smiles in return, and we continue to small talk for a few minutes. He begins to talk about his love for penguins, when three voices shouted his named simultaneously. We began to climb down, when my klutz of an ass decided to fall about fifteen feet from the ground. I closed my eyes and braced myself for my impact with the hard ground, however right when I thought I was going to hit the floor, warm hands cupped around my waist instead. How cliché, I almost laughed. I looked to find myself in one of Luke’s friend’s arms, and he had such a cocky smirk I was afraid I would slap it off of him.

“Well, hello there, I’m Calum.”

Calum was handsome. He was tall, he clearly had nice biceps, with dark-brown short hair, and small chocolate brown eyes. He was dressed in a black “ACDC” muscle tee, paired with some skinny jeans and vans. Definitely a rocker. The boy next to him, who introduced himself as Michael, was quite cute as well. Although his spiked Pink hair may be shocking to some, his broad built, green eyes and plump lips were quite attractive.

“So what are you all doing out at 3am?” I chuckled, kicking a pebble.

“We should be asking you that question too.” Michael smirked.

“Eh, long story.” I stuck my tongue out, walking a couple steps in front of them.

The three boys and I talked and joked for a couple hours, and by six am, we had already walked right back to my neighbourhood. I hugged Luke, and said goodbye to Calum and Michael as I opened my door and walked in smiling. However since all good things in my life leave, my smile faded, and my mood dropped as I met the eyes of an angry father.

“Where the fuck have you been?” He growled, taking two steps closer, as I backed up two steps.

“I was out with friends…” I trailed off.

“At fucking 4am?!” To anyone else, it would seem as if my father was just smiling, and that he was just coming closer to talk to me. But I knew that smirk all too well, it was so familiar in my brain, like a math formula before an exam, or song lyrics to your favourite tune. I recognized it all so quickly it made my heart pound faster than you could say, “Help.”

I was backed up so far against the door I could hear the street noises clash with my quickening heartbeat and loud thoughts.

“You know what I ‘fuckin hate Lauren? I hate when I work my ass off to pay your phone bill, and to help our God damn family, and walk up to your room, with your window open and you not present, probably fucking some punk. I know you have your anxiety or whatever, but you could at least fucking tell someone you’re leaving, instead of letting everyone else around worry about you!” his words cut like knives, each screaming locution piercing my ears, leaving me shaky and speechless.

“I-I’m sorry dad, I won’t do it next time.” I thought that was it, I thought that outburst would leave me walking up feeling worthless, however what I think ends up being the opposite of reality. As I walked forward to ascend up the stairs, my father did something I wouldn’t have expected on the worst days. The skin-to-skin contact left a burning sting on my cheek, my whole body crashing to the ground. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t see anything but angry eyes. I didn’t know what to say or think. I just had to get out.

I scrambled up, running to my room, and quickly locking the door. My back slid against the door as a slid down, slowly curling up into a ball, my tears beginning to fall like downpour. I couldn’t stop trembling, my mind in many different places, and my heart at the bottom of my stomach. I’ve seen it happened to my mom, and I know it was bound to happen to me, however this timing had caught me so off guard.

I was so unaware of what to do, and before I knew it hours had passed and I fell asleep, hurt and tired against my bedroom door.

When I had awoken, it was noon, meaning I had gotten a good six hours of sleep. My eyes felt puffy and small, and when I had looked in the mirror, what I saw was not the girl who was having fun just minutes before the incident with my father.

My eyes were tumid and bloodshot, and my right cheek was still tinted red from last evening. My hair was a scrambled mess, filled with knots and frizz, and my wrist filled with scars seemed to have reddened over the course of night.

I sighed, walking to my nightstand, picking up my cellphone, realizing I hadn’t checked my notifications since before I left to the big oak tree. Scrolling through my applications, I saw that I had three missed calls and five unread text messages from the same person- Ashton.

Sent at 4:30am yesterday: Hey Lauren, can you call back?

Sent at 4:45am yesterday: Lauren, I wanna talk to youuuu!

Sent at 5:15am yesterday: Are you alright? Look I’m not mad or anything babe…

Sent at 6:00am yesterday: Lauren, you’re worrying me.

Sent at 6:30am yesterday: Text or call me when you get this. I’m praying you’re okay.

The three voicemails just explained how Ashton wasn’t mad and that he really wants to talk to me, and afterwards I felt a bit foolish. I had to apologize for worrying him, but it was already past midnight in Australia, would it be the right time to call him?

Halfway through my fickle thinking process, I decided upon calling the hazel-eyed Australian. My anticipation bubbled as the rings filled my ears.

“Lauren?”

“Ash, hey.” I spoke nervously.

“What happened yesterday?” I could literally hear his frown, which made me faintly smile.

“I don’t know, I guess I freaked out because of what I said.” I frowned.

“Oh, you really worried me you know?”

“I’m sorry Ash, it won’t happen again.”

“I just want you to be okay. And Lauren?”

“Yeah?” I questioned.

“I love you too.”