"Heartbroken and Lonely"

"Together Alone"

Would I rather be lonely or in pain?

Pain and loneliness are not the same.

Like a road, they're different lanes.

One leads to nothing,

The other to hell.

Is life hell's nothing?

Are we all all alone?

Are we just soulless shells?

Waiting for our dying bells?

Asking for an end,

To this endless hell?

Asking god why,

Why do our endeavors fail?

What is before life?

And what is after?

Is it the nothing of being alone?

Or is it ephemeral laughter?

Alone in my head,

Alone in the world.

Can't express what I'm feeling,

Not even in words.

I try to be eloquent,

But it comes out jumbled.

Like I'm trying to survive,

Alone in the jungle.

I burst with feeling,

I flare with thought,

But outwardly,

I pretend to care not.

I can't let anyone,

Into my mind's inner sanctum.

I just can't take the pain,

Of no longer being alone.

At the thought of that,

My reality groans.

Loneliness is nothing,

Nothing is safe to feel.

I just don't need the pain,

Of wondering if it's real.

Wondering if they feel what I feel.

I can't take the stress.

I can't take the ardent mewling.   

I just want to be lonely,

It's safer than feeling,

Safer than this intangible sense,

That all around,

My existence is peeling...

Away...