Salvatore or Mikaelson (TVD FanFiction)

Chapter 1

1st August
Dear Diary,
This summer is going to be the worst.
I don't know why I said that. Its crazy There is no reason for me to be upset and every reason to be happy, but...
But here I am 5:00 in the morning, awake and scared. I keep telling myself that is because of the medication for my anxiety and depression.
The day before yesterday, while Stephan and I were driving back from the airport, I had such a strange feeling. When we turned onto our road I suddenly thought, 'Damon will be there waiting for me to get home, I'll bet he is standing on the front porch waiting intently. He must have missed me so much.'
I know its crazy.
But even when I saw the house and the empty front porch, I still felt that way. I walked up the front steps expecting Damon to come an open the door, but he didn't. As soon as Stefan had unlocked the door, I burst in waiting, still expecting Damon to come rushing over.
Just then Stefan dropped a suitcase onto the floor, sighing a huge sigh before saying, "We're home." Then he laughed. At that point, the most horrible feeling I've ever felt in my life came over me. I've never felt so utterly and completely lost.
Home. I'm home. Why does that sound like such a lie?
I was born here in Fell's Church. I've always lived in this house always. This is my same old bedroom, with the burn marks from when Damon almost burnt to death from the sunlight. I can look out the window and see the four acre piece of land that Stefan, Damon and I used to play in. This is my bed, my Guitar, my posters.
But right now everything looks strange to me, as if I don't belong here. It's me that's out of place; and the worst thing is that I feel there's somewhere I do belong, but I just can't find it.
I was too tired yesterday to go to Orientation, so Jeremy picked up my schedule for me. Stefan told everyone that asked that I had jet lag and that I was sleeping, but he watched me at dinner with a funny look on his face. He knows that my depression has been getting worse recently but he doesn't like to mention it.
I've got to see the crowd today, though. We're expected to meet in the park before going to the Lockwood's to help with the party setup. Is that why I am scared? Am I afraid of them?

I stopped writing. I stared at the last line I wrote and anger boiled inside me. I threw my book at the big window, where it bounced off harmlessly and landed not he upholstered window seat. At that moment, I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry but I knew that I had to stay strong, for Stefan's sake. It was all completely ridiculous anyway. I might have anxiety, but since when have I been afraid of my own friends. I walked over to my wardrobe and pulled out a pair of black skinny jeans and a black top that said, 'normal people scare me'. I then headed to the bathroom to freshen up. The morning ritual of washing and dressing was soothing and I dawdled over it, sorting threw my new outfits from Sydney and putting them away neatly.
I finally decided to get dressed and did my normal makeup, black eyeliner and black eye shadow. I then straightened my naturally frizzy hair and back combed it, loading it with hairspray to keep it in place.
          "Alex! Where are you? We're going to be late!"
          The voice drifted faintly up form below. I grabbed my bag and slowly walked down the stairs. Jeremy and Elena were sitting at the table and Stefan was making pancakes. "How are you feeling Alex?" Stefan asked me as I sat down.
          "I'm fine."
          I replied, faking a smile. He half smiled back, indicating to me that he didn't believe me. He walked over and placed a plate of pancakes infant of me.
          "Please, Alex, try and eat something."
          "Ok." I replied, again trying to smile. Now I should probably explain this to you. Since Damon left, I haven't been happy, at all. About 6 months ago I was diagnosed with Depression and they prescribed me medication which does fuck all for me. About 3 months ago, my depression got so bad that I stopped eating. I've gotten better since, but Stefan still isn't convinced.
          "Stefan? Have you heard about these recent animal attacks in Georgia?"
          Elena asked, breaking the silence.
          "What animal attacks?"
          I asked, getting curious.
          "5 bodies have been found in the last week, completely mutilated. Police think it is some kind of animal, but they don't know what."
          I looked at Stefan and he gave me that look to say he knows what I'm thinking and don't do anything stupid.
          "Well, that's enough of that story."
          Stefan said to Elena, giving her a look as to say 'I didn't want Alex to hear this'. "We need to get going now otherwise we'll be late." He continued to say. Jeremy got up from the table and looked at me, giving me a slight smile before walking out the door to the car. I noticed that I hadn't eaten much of my breakfast, but it was too late now so I picked up my bag and left it.
As I walked out the door, I noticed a crow sitting on the one of the pillars. I continued to look at it, and I found that the longer I stared at it the more uncomfortable I felt. I tried to convince myself that my Anxiety was making me paranoid but for some reason I couldn't shake the feeling that this crow was staring at me like it knew me, like it was undressing me with its eyes.
I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard Stefan shouting over to me. I walked slowly to the car and got in the back next to Jeremy.
          "What were you doing back there?"
          Stefan asked me as I put my seat belt on.
          "Oh, nothing."
          I replied, then I put on my headphones letting the music drown out my thoughts. The rest of the day was pretty boring. Carol Lockwood put me in charge of setting up the Mic's and Speakers for the band as she knew how good I was with music equipment. None of my friends were there as this was a party for the seniors and I'm only a sophomore, so I stayed silent for most of the setup, which didn't bother me as I don't really like talking to people anyway. It was getting to the point where everyone had finished what they were doing, I was sitting in a corner day dreaming when Stefan snapped me out of my thoughts.
          "Ready to go?"
          He asked me.
          "Actually I was thinking of walking back, to clear my mind."
          I replied getting my earphones out of my pocket.
          "Alright, but don't be too long."
          He had a concerned look on his face but knew he couldn't change my mind.
          "I won't be."
          I grabbed my bag and started to walk through the park. I was listening to music with my earphones in, so unfortunately I didn't notice that someone was following me until they grabbed me from behind trying to drag me into a van. I started to kick and scream, trying to break free of his grip. Eventually I managed to kick him hard enough that he let go. I ran as fast as a could through the park, not looking back once to see if he was following me. Unfortunately, my contact lenses fell out in the struggle so I couldn't see what was in front of me, I tripped over and a shooting pain went through my ankle. I hid in the bushes behind me and phoned Stefan, explaining to him what happened between sobs. I was struggling for breath and knew what was coming. It's not unusual for me to have panic attacks, however, that doesn't mean that I'm used to the feeling; of losing control. It wasn't long before Stefan found me. He carried me home and I just sobbed into arms uncontrollably. Elena had phoned Meredith asking if she could come over and take a look at my ankle. Meredith was very kind and confirmed that, thankfully, my ankle was not broken. She told me to keep my weight off of it for a few days and to get some sleep. Stefan got up to show her to the door and I curled up in a ball on the sofa trying not to break down while Elena and Jeremy were there.