18/07/2018
Dear: Ava
Well, it has been a while, 4 and a half years since I last talked to you. I'm sorry...I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry your life ended this way...I'm sorry I was never good enough...I'm sorry that I couldn't save you. You probably think I'm mad at you but I am not mad at you, I'm upset that you chose to take your own life but mad is the last thing I am. I get that you had a lot you went through and ending your life was not the best option but I get it...I've tried many times before you left my life and many times after you left my life so I understand how bad things get to the point where you want to take your own life. There is a question I have that will most likely remain unanswered but...Are you mad at me? Are you mad that I didn't know? I just went to intermediate on my own without you and expected everything to be ok. Are you mad?
I went through a lot after you left. I went into depression again even though I was so close to being out of it...I thought I would never make any friends but I made a lot...well, it's a lot from what we are used to. But...then I lost them...typical, huh? I still have Maia, Zoe, Sianna, Jackie, and Tayla. I wish you were here to meet them...I think you would really like them, especially Maia...through all the times that I thought I was on my own and thought I would always be, Maia was there. Maia has helped me through all my suicide attempts and all the debates I have about cutting. She stopped the bullying because she forced me to go to the counselors...I hated her for it at the time, I absolutely hated her for it but now I think if she didn't do it then I would still be getting bullied so I thank her for that. I wish you could meet her, you would consider her your best friend as well. Even though she does not show much emotion towards things I will always consider her my best friend...sometimes it seems like she hates me and I know that I piss her off so much but she does say that she wants to be my friend no matter how much I think she doesn't so that's something.
I'm going to have to go now, Ava. Please don't forget that I love you so much more than you can even begin to imagine and I'm sorry.
From: Tyler
