Here I was again.Thinking about him non-stop.What was it about him that made him so special?was it his dark ebony eyes or the way that he smiled or the way his laughter brought light to my rather dull outlook on life.Call me crazy,and I bet I am,but this was starting to feel much like an obsession.A deep seeded root that I needed to cleanse myself from,but whatever I did never worked because my thoughts always went back to him.
I guess you could say I imprinted on him,the way wolves do in movies but I think the whole concept revolved around the 'feelings' being mutual.Reciprocated.I hate that word.Why do people have to do things and expect something in return.I know of the whole concept of one good deed deserving another but something's are just outdated you know.Like real,true,genuine feelings.People date for lot of different reasons like the kind of phone you use or the type of clothes you wear or what type of school you go to bearing in mind what level of English grammar you speak, but me,I date for two reasons
1.For the way I feel towards you.
2.For how hard you can make me laugh cause I love to laugh.That's my aspiration in life:to get as many laughs as I can before I die and...to be content.To look at the world with no rose tinted glasses or in black and white but to view it for what it really is.A world worth living in.
Back to the reason I'm up at
00:53am in the morning doodling in what I hope to be in some sort of scrapbook,him.It has been exactly 20 days, 11 hours, 56 minutes and 14...no 15,16(you get what I mean) seconds and I haven't seen him.Not even the slightest glimpse from some crack in the door or on the sidewalk filled with people randomly minding their own business and not the business of some 17 year old girl with an all-consuming obsession for a particular boy...friend she knows she has no chance with yet a girl can dream can't she?
It's 1:00am and I'm still here...scribbling my life away...now THAT sounded dull and boring.ME.That's me,my life.A lot of time to waste but no-one to waste it with.Lonely.I'm so lonely...I have nobody to call my own.
I remeber when I got to really know the guy.I had first initiated the conversation.From there things started progressing,from friends to whatever the shit came after that,to something accute to friendship but never quite reaching there...where I wanted it to be.First fight: I messed up.BIG TIME,to the point to where I thought we were done cause the dude was all about rules(guess they helped him figure his shit out),but we worked through it-never really,fully reaching there but meh...at least he was talking to me.Months passed and I felt not only physically drawn to him but mentally,spiritually heck all of the 'ally's'...but never emotionally,that part I hid and guarded well-I still do but not as fiercely.
