Trapped

Intro

I don’t know how it all started again. I can hardly collect the information from when I met him. It’s hard after what i have experienced. My sense of time is completely gone. Yet each indivual incident is what i remember as if it happened yesterday. The memories are so clear… so clear as if i was in the moment right now. As if he is here with me right now. When he isn’t around me for a small moment, those things repeat in my mind. I’m always under his control, even when he’s not here. I’m scared to death that if i won’t listen, something bad might happen… no. it would definitely happen. I know that he is capable of things that most people can’t even dream of. He can, and will do, things that just are out of a normal person’s mind.

I’m scared to death. He is a monster. He is my nightmare. He is my life. I want to escape, and get my life back. I want to get the person back who I was before. I want to be normal and live a normal life. But all i can do is dream. The live what my reality was before, is only a dream that plays at night, when the nightmares get away.

It’s funny, isn’t it? That you can dream of something that you were experiencing yourself in the past. Dream of things that were so normal for you back then, things you didn’t appreciate or didn’t thought it was anything special. Moments like walking freely out of your house. Being with friends and family without having to worry that you do something wrong. Eating your meals at your own speed, instead of having to gulp it down in seconds. Such simple things are what i now can only dream of.

Yet, i know it’s my fault. I didn’t listen to the people around me. It’s my own fault that i walked into his trap. And i’m sorry. I’m so sorry to myself that i didn’t listen. I was stubborn and believed he was the love of my life. Oh boy, was i wrong. I was so wrong. I’m so sorry for what i did… i want another chance. Please. Please give me another chance.