you. // loona

you.

The snow on the ground began to melt, allowing spring to come around again. No matter how beautiful it was outside, Sooyoung couldn't push herself to leave the apartment. She could barely force herself out of bed. Nothing felt enjoyable anymore, now that her only enjoyment was ripped away from her. Gone to never return again.

She swore she could still smell her perfume. It was nice and light and sweet. Sooyoung laughed, she used to tell her to stop wearing it. But now, she thinks she likes it. She finds a certain serenity in it.

But at the same time, that serenity is so unwanted. She hated the false hope in waking up to smelling it every morning, thinking that maybe she returned, but always being met with the same reality. The reality that she didn't like anymore, the reality without her in it.

She looked beside her to where she laid in the bed, as if she expected her to suddenly appear. And maybe if she did, they could talk again. She liked her voice, how it was sweet and soft in the morning, how it was raspy and cold at night. How soft it was when she'd stroke her hair and tell her how much she meant to her. How loud it was when she was laughing about the stupid things with Sooyoung. Everything that came out of her mouth must have been angelic. Her voice was so beautiful, she could almost hear it in her head.

Hi Sooyoung. I missed you.

Sooyoung closed her eyes as if to hear it better.

Did you miss me too?

Sooyoung nodded to the voice, "I miss you, so much." She waited for a response.

She didn't like how empty the house was without her, how it was so silent. She remembered how she used to make fun of her for being so loud. Sooyoung almost laughed in vain at that, what would she have to give to get that back? She decided she didn't like the silence. She liked her voice a lot more.

"Jiwoo," Sooyoung called out, closing her eyes tighter to try to get the voice back in her head. She felt like she was going crazy. Everything reminded Sooyoung of her. One more day, if she could just have one more day with her again, this time she wouldn't take it for granted.

"Do you still love me?" Sooyoung asked, so desperate for her answer. Closing her eyes impossibly tighter, she tried asking again. It seemed nothing worked. Sooyoung sighed, opening her teary eyes. Just one more time, please, could you answer me?

She sat up, feeling like a stone. She felt so empty without Jiwoo, so fucking empty she couldn't even think right. Couldn't even function, do everyday tasks without her coming in her mind. Everything she did, every simple action or movement somehow correlated back to her, and Sooyoung fucking hated it. She couldn't take it. "God damnit!" She yelled out as she punched the bed. How desperately she wanted to see her again.

Sooyoung stood on her feet and somehow still felt un-living. She could breathe and walk and talk and smile and cry and sing and run but she'd still feel gone. Her heart had already been torn out of her chest, now only an empty space that once held Jiwoo. Nothing could fix her, no soul could bring her back to life as much as Jiwoo could. Sooyoung gripped her hair tightly and felt like pulling it out of her scalp. She hated her.

She hated Jiwoo for putting her through this, she knew how much Sooyoung would struggle. She hated her for leaving and how Sooyoung didn't even get to say goodbye, she hated how she could still feel Jiwoo's presence in the house when it was nothing but fibs being played out by her mind. She hated her, she must know how much Sooyoung's struggling right now. Maybe she's even laughing at her.