Peter and Brian in 'There's A Criminal In My House'

I Knew It!

Wallace was enjoying his morning lie-in.

   “Oh, that was a lovely beer we had last night!” Wallace sighed happily. “Who says that having a lie-in is wasting your life? This is life and – ”

    Then the bed lunged forward and Wallace slipped down through the hole and landed in the dining hall. He didn't land in a chair, but into a pair of trousers.

   “It's the wrong trousers!” cried Wallace. “The bloody wrong trousers.” Then he looked down to where the controls used to be; only they weren’t there anymore. Instead, there was a golden plate, saying, ‘These trousers are dictated to Tim Allen, who committed suicide due to the cancellation of Home Improvement.’

   Then the trousers beeped and Wallace began to walk! He headed out of the kitchen, then out of the house and out onto the street.

    “Now, stop this, Gromit! This ain’t funny!”

    But the trousers didn't stop and Gromit was nowhere to be seen.

It was a bright and sunny morning. Not a bird in the sky or a car on the road, so it was also a peaceful morning. Then an alarm clock was ringing… from a dustbin! The lid opened and Gromit was thrown out.

    “I'm sorry about the alarm clock, Oscar,” said Gromit, “but – ”

    “It's not the alarm clock,” interrupted Oscar the Grouch. “It's because you can't afford my rent. My bed and breakfast service may seem cheap, but I still need money, you know.”

    And he closed down the lid. Gromit sighed and walked off.

Later, Gromit was looking at signs for rooms to lend. All he could find was no dogs allowed, no pets allowed and no Edward Wood Jr. fans allowed.

    “Oh, god,” Gromit sighed. “This is hopeless. If only I had some hope to – Wait, what’s that?”

    Then he saw a sign with a picture of a chicken. It said, ‘WANTED. HAVE YOU SEEN THIS CHICKEN, FEATHERS MCGRAW? REWARD: £10,000.’

    “With that money,” said Gromit, “I could donate more money to the poor more than Robin Hood.”

  

In Nottingham, the villagers gathered around as Robin Hood and his merry men arrived.

    “Don’t worry,” said Robin. “Here is your money.”

    He wiggled his finger to his merry men and they gave the people their money. But they weren’t happy.

    “A ha’penny?” cried a woman.

    “What happened to the three-pence per person you promised us?” demanded a man.

    “Well, since the country is in a recession,” said Robin, “we’ve had to cut down on our bit, too, you know.”

    “Yeah,” said Little John, who was a midget. “I mean, we used to have three chicken wings per merry man. Now we’ve cut down to one.”

    “Boo!” shouted the Nottingham villagers.

Then Gromit heard screaming.

    “Help! Gromit!”

    The dog turned around to see Wallace running down the streets and going so fast that he past Rocky Balboa!