you got it, you got it
some kind of magic
hypnotic, hypnotic
you're leaving me breathless
"Hayley, we shouldn't be doing this," I told her as she tugged at the hem of my shirt, lifting it off. She ignored my comment.
Her lips roamed my bare chest, leaving a trail of kisses starting at my collarbone and stopping just above the waistband of my jeans. She undid my jeans, sliding them off with ease. We've done this many times before, usually on tour. We'd sneak away from the rest of the guys and the crew and do things that we'd usually regret in the morning. Well, things I'd usually regret. All of this didn't seem to phase Hayley, even though she's in a "committed" relationship. All of this seemed normal to her.
It was almost like a routine. Hayley would leave the bus, telling the guys that she's going sightseeing or to look for some cool places to eat, but in reality, she'd be on her way to a hotel we made reservations at. After she would leave, the guys would agree that it would be best for someone to catch up with her because it wasn't safe for her to walk around an unfamiliar city alone. That's where I would step in, volunteering to go with after her to make sure she's safe. The guys would all nod, agreeing that it was good idea and they'd let me go without any questions.
We did this often, but not too often. We didn't want to make them suspicious. Once a week was good enough for us, but as soon as Hayley got used to sneaking off with me every Wednesday afternoon to some fancy hotel, she decided that once a week wasn't good enough for her. There were nights where she'd sneak into my bunk, telling me that she needed more of me and of course, I'd give her what she wanted only to wake up alone and with one question on my mind:
Was this worth it?
She told me that she liked what we were doing, that she enjoyed having a secret to hide. The feeling of knowing that she and I were the only ones who knew what we were really doing behind closed doors. It made her feel good. And for the most part, it made me feel good, too.
No one was supposed to find out, that was apart of the plan. But that whole plan changed when Jon caught Hayley and I making out backstage thirty minutes before a show. We made him promise not to tell anyone and he promised. So now, the secret wasn't just between Hayley and I anymore, it was between me, Hayley, and Jon. But of course, Jon had to tell his wife, Natalie, because that's what couples do, share secrets. Natalie accidentally told Kat when they were out for coffee. Kat confronted Hayley about it over the phone, not telling her how she found out, but Hayley put the pieces together and denied everything.
Hayley and I decided to stop our little antics, well, that is until we got home from tour. Hayley claimed that she was getting lonely. Chad wasn't home because New Found Glory were on tour and the only thing keeping her company was the television. She started sending me dirty texts, she'd call me and tell me all the things she wanted to do to me, and we began seeing each other behind everyone's back again. The day before New Found Glory got off tour, Baylie broke up with me. She saw one of the texts Hayley sent me, telling me to meet her at her place so we could spend one last night together before Chad got home. She gave me a chance to explain myself, but I didn't know how. I just shrugged my shoulders and she packed all her things and left. I told Hayley about what happened and all she said was "Good. Now there's one less obstacle in the way."
So now we're in her and Chad's bed, doing things that I know I'll regret in the morning, things that don't seem to phase her. She's lifting up my shirt, sliding off my jeans with no struggle because we've done this many times before. She's in a "committed" relationship with a guy she's been with for six years and I have no one. I'll wake up in the morning alone with nothing but one question still in my mind:
Was it worth it?
And after going through all of this for four and a half months, on and off tour, sneaking behind everyone's back, losing respect for myself, and losing my girlfriend of six months, I'll realize that it wasn't.
None of it was worth it.
