My Step Sister

Chapter 1: How My Life's Been Going

Thursday, July 19, 2018
I got this journal from my therapist and she said this would help but I don't really see the point of this. She also said to write down everything that's been going on in my life like I'm writing to my future self? Whatever that meant, I think she's trying to say it should sound as if I'm explaining my day to someone or in her words, to me. So here is how my day has been going:

I woke up feeling like I have been shot with a ton of adrenaline. That always happens when I've either gotten a nightmare or I set an alarm. I wake up before my alarm rings basically because I don't want it too. I bought it when I was young and stupid and now I hate it. It's small and turquoise and like a round torture device. IT'S LIKE THE FLIP PHONE OF PHONES but as an alarm clock. I am afraid that when it rings everyone around me is going to wake up. I mean that's what I get for living in a small house while being a college student instead of a dorm. If only they weren't so freaking expensive. I finally get up to turn off my alarm so I don't have to hear ring and look at myself in the deep red stand up mirror I was forced to have in my room. I feel ashamed of what I see. I don't know why. There was nothing to be ashamed of, all of my problems are behind me and I'm a new man but why didn't I feel like one at the moment? I lounge to the bathroom still feeling moody and brush my teeth and wash my face. You know the usual routine of what people do in the morning. It was finally the summer but I have never experienced a more boring summer than this one. Back home in Seattle, Washington. Well that's a lie, I live 50 minutes from Seattle in a city called Sammamish. I just grew up saying that I'm from Seattle because nobody has heard of Sammamish. I stay in my pajamas and go downstairs and sit on the couch in the living room. I'm so lazy I feel like I'm going to gain weight again and ruin my life like I did before. It's gloomy weather in Sammamish. Some might even say "suicide weather", I find that funny considering the fact that we still moved here after what happened before. If you end up finding my journal and are reading this or if you're my therapist or my future self reading this you may not remember or know what happened before. I used to weigh a lot and wasn't healthy at all. I had a sister too but she was thin and beautiful. I was so unhealthy and I started getting problems like getting bullied and made fun of at school and for some reason it hurt my sister to see me like that so she ended up killing herself and because of that my parents split and I stopped eating and my mom and I moved out here. Wow I am really off topic here, so going back to my day, I really basically spent the rest of my day sitting on the couch and watching tv. And then I had a therapist appointment and she gave me this journal and now I'm here writing in it. It's funny how the brains works because I actually am starting to feel better.

Signing off,
Ethan.