Soft Hours

Story request from 

Namjoon didn't hate himself, he just felt really disappointed in himself ninety nine percent of the time, the remaining one percent was when he felt proud of being the leader of his babies, yes he called them his babies because no matter how grown up some acted they were still children at heart. 

At this moment, Namjoon had begun his diet of eating air only, he had begun to get fat and the fans didn't like it, all he's been seeing lately is all of the hate towards his appearance, songs and more, but he didn't want to be a disappointment, so he starved. This has been going on for four days, Namjoon would wake up, shower, skip breakfast and drink water, practice his dance and then go to his studio at lunch and then back home after dinner. He made his schedule so he could successfully skip eating without people being around. His stomach started to eat in on itself and Namjoon started to use sleeping pills to get to sleep, his dreams often swirling into nightmares that left him dry heaving and crying silently. After the second night, Namjoon just opted for not sleeping at all, now every night he would lie down curled up and cry his heart out silently, yet, he never fell asleep. It was the fourth night.

                                                                                          ~

The guys had noticed something different about Namjoon the second night. The second night when Taehyung and Jimin tried to skylark with Namjoon but Namjoon who usually joined only smiled at their shenanigans. It wasn't weird, Namjoon smiling or turning down their invitations, what was weird was the deadness of the smile, it looked like death itself was smiling. A small smile that showed no teeth and didn't reach his eyes. His eyes looked like they lost life, like his energy was pouring out from him just standing there. The third day, Yoongi had come home late and in the dead silence heard soft whimpers coming from Namjoon's one bedroom. He listened to the quiet suppressed whimpers and dry intakes of breath. The fourth day Jimin couldn't sleep so he had snuck into Namjoons room quietly, as soon as he closed the door he heard a series of whimpers and rustling in the sheets. The room was dark and Jimin was wearing midnight toned colours so he blended nicely into the darkness, even when Namjoon turned on his bedside lamp. This particular night Namjoon had opted for not wearing a shirt so his entire chest was on display. Jimin gasped quietly, Namjoon's ribs.... they were prominent, he could see them and his leader's face was wet and his eyes and nose red.

"Hyung..." Jimin whispered quietly making the older boy jump out of his skin, at this point he looked like he was only skin.

"J-Jimin, w-what are you doing here?" Namjoon whispered pulling up his sheet to cover his chest.

"Hyung... when's the last time you ate?" Jimin asked, tone hardening, he squinted his eyes as he saw Namjoon avoided his stare.

"E-earlier t-today." Namjoon muttered.

"Liar." Jimin bit out making Namjoon flinch.

"I didn't eat for four days, nothing Jimin, I only drank water..." Namjoon muttered again.

"Hyung, you can't do that, you were already skinny, are you trying to disappear? Do you want to leave us this badly?" Jimin stressed, his eyebrows furrowing.

"It-It's not like that!" Namjoon exclaimed.

"Then what is it hyung?! Why are you starving yourself?!" Jimin shouted effectively waking most of the household.

"Because I'm ugly and fat!" Namjoon bit bitterly causing Jimin to falter, gaze softening.

"...W-what?" Jimin asked, tone now barely above a whisper.

"I'm ugly Jimin... the fans think so, so it most likely is true..." Namjoon muttered curling up into a fetal position, head tucked between his feet. That was the moment that Namjoon's door opened and the rest walked in.