The Office Game

The Pitch

Philippa, Renee and Jasmine sat around in Philippa's dressing room and a hot July afternoon, with two fans blowing full blast, fanning themselves with hastily made hand fans. The air conditioning had broken at the Richard Rodger's theatre and the show was in two hours. There were talks of cancelling the show, but that would likely throw the ticket payers into a hissy fit. We were well aware this was the hardest ticket to get in New York City. However, this could be considered worker abuse.

"I cannot get dressed up in a corset in this heat," Philippa complained to her friends. "We should contact the union."

"At least we don't have to wear a suit," Jasmine pointed out, feeling sorry for her male castmates.

"Uh, I'm so bored," Renee complained. It was still a long time before they needed to get dressed for their evening performance.

Jasmine sat up and dug for something in her purse. "Actually, I have an idea for something we can do. A girlfriend passed this on to me."

She handed Philippa a piece of paper and Renee scooted closer to get a better look.

"Play the Office Game," Philippa read. "Play with all your friends. Most points at the end of two weeks wins, but only if you are still employed."

They looked over the rules and started grinning and laughing at some of the more ridiculous ones.

"We should definitely play this!" Renee declared. "It will drive the guys crazy."

"Pippa, you in?" Jasmine asked. The woman who played Eliza Schuyler thought for a moment, then grinned. I'm in.

Jasmine went to one of the theatre lounges and found a copy machine. She quickly made two copies and handed them to her two friends.

1 POINT:

-Run one lap around the office at top speed.

-Walk sideways to the photocopier.

-Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.

-When they're not looking, pour most of someone's fresh cup of coffee into your mug, leaving them with an inch of brew.

-Ignore the first 5 people who say 'good morning' to you.

-Call someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."

-To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.

-While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the door opens.

3 POINTS:

-Babble incoherently at a fellow employee and then ask "Did you get that, I don't want to have to repeat it."

-Say to your boss, "I like your style", and shoot him/her with double-barreled fingers.

-Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.

-Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

-Page yourself over the intercom, making no attempt to disguise your voice.

5 POINTS:

-At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem.

-Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.

-For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as 'Bob'.

-Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do number 2".

-After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent.

-While an office mate is out, move their chair to the elevator.

-In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter 'shut up, all of you just shut up!'

-In a colleague's schedule, write in at 10am "See how I look in tights."

-Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person – "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

-Tuck one pant leg into your sock and when asked, answer 'not now' and walk away.

The women started right away. They each went to their own dressing rooms and began to plot out their points, thinking of their best prey.

It was close to performance time and, gratefully, the air conditioning had been fixed. The cast was all in the building, getting themselves ready for the performance in about half an hour. Philippa walked by Lin's dressing room, where he was trying to straighten out his shirt. His bottom half was still dressed in street clothes. Jeans, of course. She snapped a picture of him, causing him to look at her and frown.

"I like your style," she told him, then shot him him double-barrelled fingers. Lin looked at her, confused, and shut his door.

3 points, Philippa.

____

It was tradition, before every performance, for the cast to get together and pray. They all joined hands as usual and bowed their heads. Today, Anthony lead the prayer.

"Lord, please let us all make it safely through our performance. Bring us the skill to get through our lines, and the energy to share our gifts with the audience. Amen."

Everyone mumbled an Amen, and they began to disperse to take their places. Renee stopped everyone.

"Hold on, hold on!" She shouted, causing everyone to stop in place. "I think we need to start a new tradition. Before every performance, we should sing the national anthem."

Philippa and Jasmine played along, placing their hands over their chests. Renee had brought a handheld American flag, which she held up high.

"Oh, say can you see..." she began.

"By the dawn's early light," Philippa and Jasmine joined in.

The rest of the cast looked at each other, confused, but gradually decided to join in. Being a broadway cast, their rendition was pretty amazing. As the song finished, Renee waved her flag and cheered.

5 points, Renee.

___

Anthony walked back to his dressing room at the end of the demanding show, exhausted. He loved his job, but was always ready to relax at the end of the show. He closed the door and walked to his dressing table, but realized the chair wasn't there. Anthony did a quick scan of the room and didn't see it anywhere.

Confused, he opened the door and looked up and down the hall. Daveed was in his dressing room, joking around with Leslie.

"Hey, man, have you seen my chair? It's not in my room?"

"Naw, man," he said.

Anthony continued to look around until he came to the elevator, which dinged as someone reached their floor. When it opened, he saw his chair. Some random crew person looked at it in confusion but stepped around it. Anthony ran over to catch the door before it closed. He wheeled his chair back to his dressing room.

As he reached the door, he noticed Pippa walking sideways down the hall.

"Did you crap your pants or something?" He asked.

She put her hands over her ears and grimaced.

"What the fuck?" He mumbled as he stepped into his dressing room and closed the door.

5 points, Jasmine.

2 points, Pippa.

To be continued...