Shards of Clear Glass (A Ghost Adventures Story)

Realize You Loved Me

I lay awake, even though tiredness drags at my mind and body. Zak lays next to me, breathing deeply in his sleep, his arm around my waist and hand laying on my stomach protectively.

I smile as I think of this, think of the child growing inside of me. And even though I have a great imagination, I can't imagine what my child will be like.

Will they have my stubbornness and Zak's jokefulness? Or will they be quiet and historical?

I laugh quietly as I try to imagine all the things my child will do, think of, act like. Zak opens his eyes, and smiles down at me.

"What are you laughing at, Saira?" he asks, and I smile. "Our kid. And whether they'll be crazy or quiet. A know-it-all or stupified. Outgoing or shy. It's a mystery to me."

Zak laughs, and I feel the vibrations rumble through my cheek and neck.

I lift my head, and smirk at him. Zak rolls his eyes and leans down to kiss my forehead.

I smile, showing my own pearly white teeth, and say,"Hey, can I ask a random question?"

Zak cocks his head at me, and says,"You just did." I roll my eyes and poke his chest, which makes him laugh. "Go ahead. I'm sure it'll be surprising and random, given it's coming from you."

I smile wider, and ask,"When did you first realize you loved me?"

Zak blinks at me, then seems to consider the question. His dark eyes take on a far away look, one I've come to easily recognize.

After a while, Zak says,"I guess the first time I truly admitted to myself that I liked you was in the hospital, after I had my heart attack."

I wait, knowing that Zak is thinking through his words carefully before saying them, like he always does.

After a long pause, he continues.

"But, strangely, I realized that I loved you when you tried to commit suicide. Not before or after, but during. It was something about seeing you, bleeding and screaming at me to get out and let you die, that I thought to myself,'I can't live without this girl. Not in a million years could I exist without her.'

"It was then that I made the decision to propose to you. If I could be the light in your life, the reason that you had for not dying, then I would be.

"Even if you refused me, I would stay beside you for the rest of my life. No one else can or will ever come close to you, Saira. I don't care about your past. I care about you. And I always will."

I smile, and lean forward to kiss Zak. He kisses me back, his arm pulling me closer to him.

We break apart, both of us slightly breathless. Zak smirks down at me, and asks,"When did you realize you loved me?"

I pause, and stare at him, thinking. Events are easy for me, given that I can remember, vividly, everything about my scars. But emotions are hard. Even now.

I talk slowly, thinking through my answer as I talk.

"It would be after I told you about Forest. About how he died. When you asked me whether or not I loved him, and I answered that I did, I saw your eyes flicker. Like a small bit of jealousy.

"It confused me, but then, when I hugged you, I felt you send all of your emotions into me. And I realized that it wasn't jealousy-it was love.

"And then, something I hadn't ever felt rose inside of me. I thought I was going crazy, because I had only felt the depleted form of it. When I was talking with Forest, I felt it.

"But, at that moment, when you let me cry on your shoulder, and didn't say anything, I felt the most powerful rush of love ever."

I pause, and say,"This isn't even making any sense to me. My words are all jumbled. I just know that that was the moment that I realized I loved you and never wanted to leave you. Because I knew that if I did, then you would go crazy.

"You almost broke down completely when you saw me in that bathtub. Just the image of you standing over my dead body just turned my stomach and made me want to puke. I never want that to happen to you. And it never will."

I stop, thinking through my answers, which are all jumbled words that make no sense in my head. They probably came out that way, too.

I look up when I hear Zak heave a sigh. His eyes are glistening, which startles me. I can see pure and utter love and pride and happiness on his face and in his eyes.

He leans down as I move up. Our lips connect, and my mind dissolves. I can feel my body move, but my mind and soul are miles overhead, dancing through the clouds.

Oblivious.

Untamed.

Free.

Wild.

And so damn completely happy, I didn't think I would ever come down. Not unless Zak and I break apart,  move away from each other, and close ourselves off from each other.

Which definitely won't happen any time soon.