This love

"Lucy your brother is missing" my mom said to me tears streaking down her face. I could see she could barely stand without the help of my dad. He himself was having trouble standing. He had a look on his face I couldn't bare to look at. I had barely been listening to the words they were speaking about my brother. I couldn't believe it, I refused to believe that my brother had left us. There was no way he'd leave us all here alone. He would come back Soon. I had to believe he would or I'd never get through life anymore.

**

These past couple of months had been a blur. It felt like just yesterday they told me my brother had disappeared. I missed him so much. I was barely living now. I couldnt remember the last time I had eaten, or slept. Every thing inside me was gone. I had to push everything out. I couldn't let myself feel anything, or I would fall apart and I had to be strong for my parents and my grandmother. I pushed everything away. Until I went to sleep. Then I couldn't control it. I hated how things worked out the way they did. Maybe if he lived with us this wouldn't have happend, and he'd still be here.

The thing is I lived in Virginia with my parents and my brother lived in Maryland with my grandmother because he'd gotten in a lot of trouble. My parents thought if he'd gotten away from all this then maybe he'd change and stop getting in to so much trouble all the time, but they were wrong. At first it seemed to be working and he was going to get better. Then that night when we had stopped for a visit only to find out he disappeared that night.

Now we all lived in silence. We stayed with my grandmother for 2 weeks when my parents decided it was better we went home to see if he would go there. It's been 6 months and there was no sign of him anywhere. We all hoped he'd come back and we could get our lives back together and be a family again but, deep down we all knew that it would never be the same again. That doesn't mean we didn't hope.

Today I was going to see my boyfriend. John and I had been together almost a year. My brother didn't like him much. He told me he would never be the one to make me happy but, I needed John now more then ever.

School had went by slow, as soon as classes ended I got in my car and drove to john's house. I had been there five minutes waiting in the driveway for him to come home when I got a text from him saying he couldn't make it tonight but that he wanted hang tomarrow. I sat there for a minute realizing I would have to get through the night alone. This would be the first night I didn't spend with him since my brother went missing. This realization alone was enough to bring despair and fear in a single breath as tears stung my eyes. I refused to cry now, I couldn't. I had to at least make it home before I broke down, so I sucked in a long ragged breath and forced myself to  drive home.

When I got home I took a hot shower. A few minutes later I decided I had to eat something so I went down stairs to get something and maybe watch a movie. Soon it would be past midnight before I realized I was tired and should sleep. I turned off my lights and walked over to my bed, reaching over I checked my cell phone like I always do. I usually never had a reason to check it, I never talked to anyone. But it was a habit by now, one I couldn't quite shake. I looked down at the screen, only half looking at it having already expected nothing. But nothing wasn't what I got. What I saw on my screen both excited me and terrified me beyond comprehension.

I dropped the phone. I had so many emotions, so many thoughts. Had he called my parents? Was it really him? Should I answer? Should I get my parents first? Then the phone rang again. I looked to see who it was. It was Tom.

I stood there and just looked at it for a few seconds that felt like hours before I answered. " hello." I said my voice shaking. " Well you could at least sound a little happy to be talking to your brother." it was him. I suddenly felt so Angry. Angry that he'd left us! Angry that he just now decided to call. What was he thinking! " Happy. You want me to be happy? What? Happy that you left? And now you call 6 months later expecting me to be happy?" as soon as I said the words I regretted them. He was right. He had been missing, he had runaway without even a word. He could have been dead, I should feel relieved to hear his voice even after so long. Despite my hurt feeling and anger I had to find out what had happened. But at least he was alright and ready to talk to us, so maybe he was ready to come home, or maybe he was hurt and needed help. All of these were things I didn't yet know. So I should try and talk to him calmly and do my best for whatever he needed, and here I was yelling at him.