Safe Inside

Introduction

I felt the room start to close in on me as I felt my world come crashing down on me. My vision growing blurry as I shut my eyes to hold any tears from falling. Nothing was working. I could hear my heart pounding in my chest slowly picking up speed as I gasp for air. Breathe. Slower. I grabbed my phone knowing I needed him. My hands shook as I slowly forced myself to dial the number. I pressed the phone up to my ear. Please answer, I thought as my vision started to disfigured even more. I curled my other hand up into a fist so tightly that I could feel the nails digging into my palms. "Please", I whispered through my breathing. The call drug on with every ring. I felt stranded... like I was screaming for help, but no one was around. I needed out. I released my hand as I felt my breathing slowing as I waited; distracting my mind as the call carried on for what felt like years before finally being sent through to voicemail. 

I bit my lip trying to contain myself as I slowly pulled the phone down slowly and hit the small, red button at the bottom of the screen. Tears started to run down my face as I slowly put the phone down to the floor. My breathing picked up again as I felt my chest growing tight. I tried to swallow, hoping that would give me even the smallest burst of air, but just like every other time... I was let down. I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I could feel my body growing colder as I struggled to breathe. I tucked my head down into my knees trying to calm down. Breathing was hard. Really hard. Focus. 

Memories flashed back into my head. Memories from when I finally felt like everything was okay... I should've known better. My life is never okay. My breathing slowed as flashbacks played in my mind. It was like I was remembering anytime I was happy... but for some reason they all had one thing in common. Him. He was always there. 

My breathing was steadying as I thought long and hard about everything. I leaned my head back against the wall as I could feel the air filling into my lungs. I was exhausted; my whole body was. My heart was still beating rapidly as I tried calmed down. I was finally able to pull myself up to my feet and walk over to my bed to warm up. The bed was empty. Not like before when he would be here comfort me. I closed my eyes, trying to shake the memory out of my mind, but that didn't stop the tears from falling. I slowly crawled underneath the blankets and pulled them up to my shoulders as I felt my body warm up from my previous lack of oxygen. My hand clenched onto the blankets hard as I cried harder, remembering the warmth of him. 

Why did you leave..?